badly_knitted (badly_knitted) wrote,

FAKE Ficlet: Useless Denial

Title: Useless Denial
Fandom: FAKE
Author: badly_knitted
Characters: Ryo, Dee, Bikky
Rating: PG-13
Setting: After Vol. 7, with references to events during the manga.
Summary: Looking back, Ryo can finally accept how pointless it was to waste so much time in denial about his sexuality.
Word Count: 500
Written For: Prompt 470: Past Prompts Revisited 161-200, using 183: Denial at slashthedrabble.
Disclaimer: I don’t own FAKE, or the characters. They belong to the wonderful Sanami Matoh.

Ryo had been in denial about his sexuality for so long it had turned into a habit. A bad one. Pretending something wasn’t true didn’t make the feelings go away, and it didn’t make life easier; the attraction to men was still there, albeit fiercely repressed, like a dull ache in the back of his mind, but it got so he could ignore it and just get on with living day to day.

He’d spent a lot of time lying to himself over the years, telling himself he was fine, that he didn’t need anyone special in his life, that his job was so demanding and the hours so long it didn’t leave time for relationships… It was funny what you could convince yourself of it you tried hard enough.

It was all a load of crap though.

He’d been lonely, and that was probably at least part of the reason he’d been so quick to offer Bikky a home, not even taking the time to think through all that becoming a single father would entail. The thought of having someone to come home to every night, someone to cook for and have meals with, someone to talk to in the long evenings, was irresistible.

Not that he regretted his impulsive decision, quite the opposite, but that didn’t mean it had been easy juggling the needs of a child with the requirements of his job as a police detective. There had been a lot of times when he’d needed to get someone to watch his foster son overnight, because of being on a late shift, or because he was in the middle of something and couldn’t go right home even though his shift was technically over.

Bikky had filled a gap in his life, but something had still been missing. Having a kid was great, and yet the old, buried desires had started stirring again, unsettling Ryo’s carefully ordered world, all thanks to Dee, and Ryo hadn’t known how to handle the situation. Denial wasn’t working as well as it used to; Dee had found a chink in his armour and had ruthlessly exploited it at every opportunity until he’d finally worn down all Ryo’s resistance and…

What had Ryo been worried about for so long? Looking back, all that time spent denying a major facet of who he was just seemed stupid now. What a monumental waste of effort it had been, trying to be someone he wasn’t, and how much longer would he have kept on deluding himself if Dee hadn’t been so persistent or if, God forbid, they’d never met?

Dee was the missing piece, the final element Ryo had needed to make his life perfect, or as perfect as life could get. The warm weight of Dee’s arm draped over him when his partner slept over made Ryo feel loved and wanted even more than the sex did.

Denial was a thing of the past; Ryo had no more need of it now he had Dee.

The End

Tags: dee laytner, fake, fake fic, fic, fic: one-shot, fic: pg-13, ryo maclean, slashthedrabble

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