Characters: Ianto, Owen, Tosh, Jack.
Summary: Ianto does love pushing Owen’s buttons!
Word Count: 312
Disclaimer: I don’t own Torchwood, or the characters.
A/N: This happened because I misread a prompt on comment_fic.
“I don’t know what she was yelling at me back there, she wasn’t speaking English, but I’m pretty sure it was something insulting,” Owen complained as the team trooped into the Hub from the underground garage.
“Maybe you shouldn’t have stared at her,” Ianto pointed out. “You were practically drooling.”
“Well she was hot! You know, for an alien. I was only trying to be welcoming; she didn’t have to get so stroppy about it. Could’ve just said she wasn’t interested instead of… whatever she said.”
“Roughly translated, she told you to, um, go lick your own balls,” Tosh told him, blushing.
“Wow, not just insulting but physically impossible. I should go back there and wash her mouth out with soap and water.”
“Yes, because then she’d probably shoot you instead of just hurling insults at you in Galactic Standard,” Ianto smirked. “Face it, Owen, you’re not as charming as you think you are. Jack will calm things down and send her on her way. Speaking of Jack, I’ve seen him do that.”
“Do what?” Owen asked, not sure if he really wanted to know.
“Lick his own balls.”
Owen’s eyes bugged out. “No way, Teaboy! I don’t care what he might claim when it comes to sexual gymnastics; even Jack’s not that flexible!”
“I wouldn’t say that to his face if I were you; he might want to demonstrate what he’s capable of.”
The horrified expression on Owen’s face was priceless. “Don’t even joke about it!”
“Of course when I caught him licking his balls,” Ianto added as he headed to the kitchen to make coffee, “he did happen to be a dog at the time so I suppose it wasn’t particularly remarkable.” He smiled to himself as he continued on his way, listening to his colleague swearing and hurling insults at his back. Getting Owen going was just too easy!