Characters: Owen, Jack, Ianto, Tosh
Summary: Owen wakes up in a very unexpected place… in an even more unexpected state. What happened?
Word Count: 1201
Meme Fill For: black59, who wanted Torchwood and No. 6. “Is there a reason you’re naked in my bed?” combined with 42. “I swear it was an accident.”
Disclaimer: I don’t own Torchwood, or the characters. They belong to the BBC.
“Is there a reason you’re naked in my bed?” Jack couldn’t hide his amusement at finding Owen sprawled across his bunk naked as the day he was born. “Not that it matters, I’m sure I can manage to squeeze in, I’ve had plenty of practice.” He started to disrobe. “Of course Ianto will be disappointed. He was supposed to be joining me, and even with the best will in the world, I’m not convinced all three of us will fit.”
Owen seemed to be struggling to gather his wits. “What… I’m not… I didn’t…” He blinked as he looked around, wondering how he wound up in this position. He vaguely remembered some sort of alien powder he’d been studying, and Tosh, and one of them, probably him, sneezing, and then… “Oh God! I swear it was an accident!” What had he done? He could only recall bits and pieces. He frowned at Jack, who was busily unbuttoning his shirt, and as Jack’s earlier words sank in, Owen’s eyes practically bugged out. “Fuckin’ NO WAY! You keep your distance, Harkness, and your clothes on, or I’ll… I’ll…”
“You’ll what, Owen? Scream?” Jack was enjoying this WAY too much for Owen’s comfort.
“Come any closer and I’ll kick you in the nuts!” Owen tried to appear forceful, but he was naked and confused, and he had no idea where his clothes were, so he sounded more uncertain than anything else. He desperately wanted to fit together the jumbled scenes in his head into some kind of coherent explanation of what had happened to him. Hadn’t Tosh been here too? Or had he dreamed that bit? Maybe that stuff was some kind of hallucinogen. Maybe he was still dreaming… One look at the expression of barely suppressed glee on Jack’s face swept that faint hope away, and Ianto coming down the ladder a moment later just made the whole situation about a hundred times worse.
“Ah, there you are, Owen. I believe you might have mislaid these.” He held up a neatly folded pile of the clothes Owen had been wearing earlier, Spiderman underwear and socks proudly displayed on the top. “I’ll just put them in the bathroom until you’re ready for them, shall I?” Ianto moved towards the door leading to Jack’s cubbyhole of a private bathroom.
“Give ‘em here, Teaboy!” Owen had tried to cover his dignity with the sheet, but since he was lying on top of the covers and unwilling to move enough to free them, it didn’t help much. Right now, he just wanted to cover up and get the hell out of here, pronto.
“Say please, Owen. Good manners cost nothing,” Ianto chided.
“Sanctimonious arsehole,” Owen ground out between clenched teeth.
“What was that Owen? I didn’t quite catch it,” Ianto said mildly, raising one eyebrow.
Oh, he had SO heard, the bastard! “Hand me my clothes, please, Ianto.” Teaboy was going to pay for this! Owen wasn’t sure how yet, but he would make him pay!
“There, that wasn’t so hard, was it?” Ianto handed Owen his clothes with a smirk on his face to rival Jack’s. They were sadists, the pair of them!
“Go to Hell!” At least he had his clothes now, and Teaboy wasn’t getting them back. Owen started to awkwardly wriggle into his boxers, doing his best not to flash the family jewels.
“Tut tut, and you were doing so well! I’m disappointed in you, Owen.”
“I can live with that; I really don’t care what you think of me!”
“In that case, nice arse.” Ianto winked.
Owen’s eyes bugged out again at the other man’s casual comment. God, he was as bad as Jack! They deserved each other. “Up yours!” Oops, poor choice of words.
“Really? I suppose that could be arranged, but only if Jack gets a turn too. After all, that is his bed you’re in.” There was not the slightest flicker of expression on Ianto’s face; he could have been talking about the weather.
Oh God, he wasn’t serious, was he? Owen glanced at Ianto in trepidation and tried to dress faster, acutely aware of just how small this room was with three people in it.
The bathroom door suddenly opened and Tosh stepped out. Owen groaned. Make that four people. Could this get any worse?
“Oh, hi!” Tosh smiled sheepishly at Jack. She was damp from the shower and wrapped in a big towel. “Sorry about this.” She pushed a wet strand of hair from her face and Owen couldn’t help thinking that she really was lovely. “Ianto, you wouldn’t happen to have seen my clothes lying around, would you?” she asked with a smile, not looking the least bit embarrassed. “I seem to have misplaced them.”
“Of course, Tosh; I have them right here.” Ianto held out a bag Owen hadn’t previously noticed he was holding. How come Tosh got her clothes in a bag while Owen’s unmentionables were practically waved around for everyone to see?”
“Thanks, I’m really sorry about leaving a mess, but we were in a bit of a hurry.” Tosh accepted the bag. “Oh, before I forget, everyone had better keep away from Owen’s lab, at least until the spill can be dealt with. That powder we were testing seems to be quite a powerful aphrodisiac when inhaled.”
Owen closed his eyes. Not a dream then. Jack’s next words snapped them open again.
“Sex pollen. I hope you two kids didn’t use it all.”
“No, there’s plenty left for you two, although I wouldn’t mind trying it again.” Tosh threw Owen a coy yet seductive look. “If Owen’s interested, that is. Are you?”
The way she was looking at him made Owen wonder if he really knew Tosh at all. This was a side of her he’d never imagined might exist. “Uh, sure.” Tosh was propositioning him?
“Great. I should probably get dressed, I have a pile of work to do.” Tosh disappeared back into the bathroom with her bag of clothes.
“I’ll have coffee ready for you when you come back up.”
“Thanks, Ianto, that would be lovely!”
Slithering off the narrow cot, Owen sidled past Jack and Ianto while their attention was elsewhere and bolted up the ladder, not breathing freely until he was out of Jack’s office and heading down the steps to his workstation. Of all the fucked up things to happen! Him, Tosh, sex pollen… Why had they decided to use Jack’s bunk? Although, that was probably better than the autopsy table or the sofa, in full view of everyone…
Jack and Ianto were never going to let him live this down! He was so screwed. As for Tosh… Owen halted in mid-step, a smile slowly spreading across his face. Now that the fog was lifting from his brain, he could remember it all, and Tosh had been incredible, not at all the shy, demure little innocent he’d imagined, but wild, sensual, demanding, passionate, and utterly gorgeous. There was a lot more to Toshiko Sato than met the eye. Maybe it was time he started paying more attention to her, perhaps starting with dinner tonight. He had a feeling if he asked her, she just might say yes.