badly_knitted (badly_knitted) wrote,

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FAKE Ficlet: Online Shopping

Title: Online Shopping
Fandom: FAKE
Author: badly_knitted
Characters: Dee, Ryo.
Rating: PG
Setting: After Vol. 7.
Summary: At home due to injury, Ryo decides to order his groceries online, then really wishes he hadn’t.
Word Count: 619
Written For: My own prompt ‘Any, any, When life hands you limes, make Margaritas!,’ at fic_promptly.
Disclaimer: I don’t own FAKE, or the characters. They belong to the wonderful Sanami Matoh.

When Dee arrived at Ryo’s place, he found his lover seething with annoyance.

“What’s up, babe? Aside from the obvious.” Ryo was off work recovering from injuries incurred when he’d been thrown out of a second story window. Although there’d been bushes below that had broken his fall, there’d also been a lot of trash and his leg had been impaled on a sharp piece of metal, meaning he was hobbling around on crutches and unable to drive for at least another week. Dee had been visiting every day to help out any way he could, since Ryo was supposed to rest his leg.

Ryo slumped down into a chair at the kitchen table and ran his hands agitatedly through his hair. “I was running short of a few things so I decided to do what everyone else does these days and order online, but I can tell you right now I won’t be trying that again!”

“Why not? I’d think it would be really convenient to have everything you need delivered right to your door.”

“I thought so too, and in theory it should be,” Ryo grumbled, “but look at this!” He plucked a misshapen object out of one of the bags on the floor. “They packed the bread right at the bottom so it’s flat, and that’s only the beginning!  The ice cream had melted by the time it got here, I have sixteen yogurts that expire in three days, and I didn’t get the stewing steak I ordered but I did get a large sack of dog food even though I don’t own a dog. They sent plain flour instead of self-raising, only one pint carton of milk which isn’t going to last five minutes with Bikky around, and what the hell am I going to do with two dozen limes when all I wanted was three lemons?”

Dee couldn’t help it; he burst out laughing.

“It’s not funny, Dee!” Ryo snapped.

“No, I know it’s not, but…” He trailed off, laughing hard enough to bust a gut, before finally managing to gasp out, “It kinda is! Did they get anything right at all?”

Ryo thought hard. “Toothpaste and Bikky’s breakfast cereal,” he said at last, sending Dee into gales of laughter again. It was contagious and before long Dee had managed to set Ryo off too.

When they finally calmed down and got their breath back a bit, Dee sat down at the kitchen table with Ryo. “Okay, first thing to do is get in touch with the supermarket, tell them they completely screwed up your order and that you want them to take away the wrong, damaged, and almost out of date items and replace them with what you actually ordered, or give you a full refund. List everything, what you ordered and what you got. Then make a shopping list for me and I’ll go pick up anything you need. If the supermarket sends your proper order and you end up with too much stuff…” Dee shrugged. “I’m sure I can help by eatin’ some of it.”

That drew a smile from Ryo. “I’m sure you can. Okay, that sounds like a good plan.”

“We’re keepin’ the limes though.”

Ryo frowned. “Whatever for?”

“You know how the song goes; when life hands you limes, you make Margaritas!” He winked. “You’ll be off the painkillers in a few days, so I’ll pick us up a bottle of tequila and this weekend we can celebrate in style! Now get that grocery list written while I shove everything back into the bags for the supermarket to collect.”

“Thanks, Dee.”

Dee leaned down to kiss him. “Anytime, babe. Whatever you need, I’m here for ya.”

“I know.”

The End

Tags: dee laytner, fake, fake fic, fic, fic: one-shot, fic: pg, fic_promptly, ficlet, ryo maclean

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