Characters: Ianto, Jack.
Summary: Ianto comes home to find Jack apparently trying to destroy their living room.
Word Count: 500
Written For: Prompt 524 – This is why we can't have nice things at slashthedrabble.
Disclaimer: I don’t own Torchwood, or the characters. They belong to the BBC.
Walking into the open plan combined living and dining room of the small end-terrace house he now shared with Jack, Ianto jerked to a halt and hurriedly stepped back into the doorway, narrowly avoiding being flattened as Jack went tearing past him brandishing a rolled up newspaper.
“Jack, what the Hell…? Watch where you’re going!”
“Oops! Sorry, Ianto, but have no fear; I’ll get it!”
“Get what?” Ianto was used to Jack’s frequently odd behaviour, but this was new.
He got no reply as Jack made a wild circuit of the long room, sending one of the dining chairs flying as he passed too close to the table, and then he was going the other direction, vaulting the back of the sofa, scattering cushions as he used the seat as a springboard to leap over the coffee table.
Around the armchairs, then veering towards the doorway, shouting, “Shut the door before it gets out!!”
Not knowing what ‘it’ might be, it wouldn’t be the first time there’d been an alien loose in the house, Ianto pulled the door shut behind him and plastered himself against the wall where he was less likely to get stepped on.
Jack didn’t even slow down; an expression of grim determination on his face he continued his pursuit of… whatever, vaulting the back of the sofa again, but this time the seat cushion he’d landed on before was missing and his foot went straight through the bottom with a horrible tearing sound.
Thrown completely off balance, arms windmilling wildly, Jack crashed heavily onto the coffee table accompanied by a sharp splintering sound as it collapsed beneath him, dumping him unceremoniously on the floor among shards of wood, and scattering drinks coasters everywhere.
Ianto stalked across the room and stood over Jack, hands on hips, glaring stonily at his lover. “Have you quite finished destroying our living room furniture?”
Jack looked up at him. “What happened? It never did that before!”
“It’s not designed for being used as a trampoline. What the Hell did you think you were doing, taking part in a steeplechase?”
“It’s so nice out I opened the window, but then a wasp got in and I was trying to kill it.”
“All this because of a wasp?” Ianto raised an eyebrow.
“I don’t like wasps; they sting.”
“Oh, for… Where is this wasp now?”
From his position still lying in the wreckage of the coffee table, Jack scanned the room and pointed. “Over there.”
Ianto turned to the wasp, buzzing around his bookshelf. “Oi, you, wasp!” he snapped, pointing towards the open window. “Out!” To Jack’s astonishment, the wasp headed in the direction Ianto was pointing and flew straight out the window.
Jack stared in astonishment. “How’d you do that?”
Ianto shrugged. “Wasps respond well to authority, which is more than can be said for some people. Look at this mess! You know, this is why we can’t have nice things; you break them.”
“You will be; you’re buying the replacements!”