Characters: Dee, Ryo.
Setting: Towards the end of Vol. 4.
Summary: Alone in their own apartments, Dee and Ryo wonder why they can’t seem to understand each other.
Written For: The tw100 prompt ‘Signal’
Word Count: 974
Disclaimer: I don’t own FAKE, or the characters. They belong to the wonderful Sanami Matoh.
Dee threw himself onto his bed with a groan, worn out but knowing he wouldn’t be getting to sleep anytime soon; his mind was whirling, full of too many questions and zero answers, all because of one Ryo Maclean, work partner, friend, and object of Dee’s still unsated lusts. Every time he thought he’d gotten Ryo figured out, it turned out he was wrong. What was his partner’s problem? Ever since Dee had met him Ryo had been giving off mixed signals, responding to his kisses, sometimes even initiating them himself, and then pushing Dee away if he tried to take things any further. Sometimes he’d start to melt into a kiss before suddenly freaking out and struggling to break free, acting as if Dee had committed some horrific crime. It made no sense, and Dee was almost to the point of believing Ryo was schizophrenic or something. He sure seemed like a split personality at times; two people inhabiting the same body, one who enjoyed Dee’s kisses and one who was repelled by the very thought, but… Nah, he’d have never passed the police psych evaluations if he was.
‘He wants me, I’m sure he does, otherwise he’d deck me when I try to kiss him the way he did with Rose, but he never has. Most of the time he seems to like it when I kiss him; if he told me he didn’t I’d stop. So why does he keep leadin’ me on and then shuttin’ down? It’s not even like he’s deliberately bein’ a tease either; it’s more like he doesn’t realise he’s encouragin’ me and then panics when I try anything. Can he really be that naïve?’
Obviously Ryo had never been with a man before; he’d told Dee often enough that he was straight, even though Dee was almost certain that wasn’t true. ‘Is it just that he’s inexperienced?’ Dee thought back to his first time with another man; he’d been a bit nervous, but not afraid. Then again, by then he’d already been sure he was bi. Ryo, on the other hand, didn’t seem to have a clue what he was. ‘I’d bet everythin’ I own he’s nowhere near as straight as he’s tryin’ to convince himself he is, so what is it he’s afraid of? What’s holdin’ him back from acceptin’ who he is??’
Rolling onto his back, Dee raked his fingers through his hair in frustration. ‘If he’d just tell me what’s botherin’ him maybe we could talk it through…’ He snorted a laugh. ‘Yeah, right. Since when do guys do the sensible talkin’ thing? I’d probably just wind up freakin’ him out even more. What the hell am I gonna do about him? He’s drivin’ me crazy! I just wish I knew what he wants from me, but he probably has no clue about that either. Sometimes wonder if there’s anythin’ in his head at all.’
Across town, Ryo was thinking along similar lines.
‘I’ve told him to get off me time after time, so why does he keep pouncing every chance he gets? Why won’t he leave me alone? I mean jeez, I just give him a friendly little peck on the cheek and suddenly he’s all over me like he thinks it’s an invitation to maul me, and then he gets mad when I push him away. I don’t get it. We’re friends, that’s all. I mean I do have feelings for him, I think. He’s my partner, my best friend, and when he kisses me… well, he’s really good at it; no one’s ever kissed me the way he does. I don’t mind him doing that; it’s not like when Commissioner Rose tried, and I’d never punch Dee like that, it’s just that he’s always pushing for more and I’m just not ready for anything like that. When his hands start wandering I get freaked out because I don’t know what I should do.’
Ryo sighed and turned over in bed. He was tired but he couldn’t sleep. ‘Is it my fault? Am I somehow leading him on without realising it? And if so, how do I stop doing it without changing who I am? Do I even want to stop? Do I want Dee to? I don’t know! He just gets me so confused. Every time he pounces on me he looks so hurt when I push him away, and I hate myself for that because the last thing I want is to hurt him. I know what he wants from me, but I don’t know if I want the same thing. My life was so much simpler before I met Dee.’
Simpler, yes, but was it better back then? Ryo didn’t think so. He loved working with Dee, enjoyed hanging out with him after work, couldn’t remember ever having such a close friend before, someone he knew he could trust with his life. The main problem was that until Dee, although he’d felt stirrings of attraction for men before, he’d never been on the receiving end and had a man… lusting after him. Wasn’t that what Dee had implied a while ago?
‘I never set out to make him lust after me. He did that all by himself,’ Ryo told himself firmly.
So was this situation Dee’s fault? Had Dee somehow been sending out signals that Ryo, through inexperience, had misinterpreted? Had they got their wires crossed when they met and then dug themselves in deeper with every miscommunication since then? Maybe if they sat down and talked things through… Ryo instinctively shied away from that idea; they’d probably only make things worse, wind up fighting and falling out or something. There had to be another way out of the mess they’d gotten themselves into; he just couldn’t for the life of him figure out what it might be.