badly_knitted (badly_knitted) wrote,

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Ficlet: Unanswered Questions

Title: Unanswered Questions
Author: badly_knitted
Characters: Tosh, Mentions Owen, Gwen, & Jack.
Rating: PG
Spoilers: Nada.
Summary: Tosh wishes people could be more like computers, or that computers could be more like people.
Word Count: 725
Written For: My own prompt ‘Torchwood, Tosh, Computers make sense; people don't, at fic_promptly.
Disclaimer: I don’t own Torchwood, or the characters. They belong to the BBC.

Computers made sense; they were logical, predictable, and if you input the correct information you’d get the desired results. Why couldn’t people be like that? Tosh could understand computers, they spoke her language, or she spoke theirs; it amounted to the same thing.

People were different though; they baffled her. It didn’t matter that she shared a common language with most of the people she worked or interacted with during the course of the day; they didn’t behave logically, they did and said things that made no sense to her, and half the time they left her feeling like there must be something horribly wrong with her, something that made her incapable of forming any kind of connection with any of them. Maybe she should just stick to computers and forget about people. Unlike people, computers would never break her heart.

Out of all the available choices, why did she have to go and fall for Owen Harper of all people? It wasn’t logical and it wasn’t rational, but then, in her limited experience human emotions seldom were. Did he know how she felt about him? It was impossible to be sure, but if he didn’t then why did he have to be such a bastard towards her, flaunting his affair with Gwen for all to see? Right now she hated both of them. Gwen didn’t know how lucky she was; she already had a boyfriend who adored her, and yet she was risking everything by having a fling with Owen. She should be happy with the man she already had instead of trying to have all the others as well, sleeping with Owen and casting longing looks at Jack.

Tosh knew if she had a man in her life she’d treat him a damn sight better than Gwen treated Rhys. She wouldn’t cheat on him for a start. She’d never steal someone else’s man either. Okay, so Owen wasn’t Tosh’s man in any sense of the word, no matter how much she might want him to be, so technically Gwen hadn’t stolen him, but that wasn’t the point. Gwen had to know Tosh fancied Owen, and if she were any kind of a friend, or even a decent human being, she’d steer clear of him for that very reason. But Gwen wanted what Gwen wanted, and most of the time she got whatever she wanted too. How come some people got everything while others just wound up alone no matter how hard they tried?

Tosh sighed, tearing her gaze away from where Gwen and Owen were horsing around. If they thought they were being discreet about their affair… Well, they weren’t. Probably the only person who didn’t know about them was Rhys.

‘I should give up,’ Tosh thought. ‘People are cruel and thoughtless; I’m better off with the safety and security of my computers, where everything makes sense and I don’t have to worry about what they think of me. I don’t have to deal with them laughing at me, making fun of me, pitying me… Computers are reliable, dependable, trustworthy; all the things that people aren’t.’

Yes, giving up would be the sensible course of action, and yet no matter how hard she tried to be, Tosh couldn’t be as logical and free from fickle emotions as her computers were. Her heart yearned for someone she could never have, she hurt inside from her endless, useless wanting, and she was lonely.

For all their many positive aspects, computers were not an adequate substitute for human contact; people needed people, it was part of being human, and even though people confused her more often than not, Tosh was no exception to that rule. A computer couldn’t tell her she was beautiful, or take her out to dinner, or give her a hug when she was feeling low, or hold her as she slept. Only a person could do those things.

Tosh turned back to her screens with a bleak little sigh; she didn’t want to wind up an old maid, sad, and single, and alone, going home every night to a cold, empty house to fix dinner for one and stare at the TV until it was time for bed. Was having someone to share her life with really so much to ask for?

Just like all her other questions, that one went unanswered.

The End

Tags: fic, fic: one-shot, fic: pg, fic_promptly, ficlet, gwen cooper, owen harper, owen/gwen, torchwood fic, toshiko sato

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