badly_knitted (badly_knitted) wrote,

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FAKE Fic: Insult To Injury

Title: Insult To Injury
Fandom: FAKE
Characters: Dee, Ryo, Nurse Emiry.
Rating: PG
Setting: After Like Like Love.
Summary: Dee gets injured trying to apprehend a slippery customer, and just when he thinks the day can’t get any worse, he finds himself under Nurse Emiry’s care.
Word Count: 2327
Written For: Challenge 305: Sharp at
Disclaimer: I don’t own FAKE, or the characters. They belong to the wonderful Sanami Matoh.

As Dee tried to get up a sharp pain shot through his leg, wrenching a yelp and a few choice swear words from him.

“Dammit! That’s all I need!” Some days it seemed like the only kind of luck he ever had was bad.

“You okay, Dee?” A short distance down the street Ryo was busy cuffing his captive.

The last thing Dee wanted was to worry his partner, but there was no point lying and saying he was fine when he was obviously anything but.

“Doesn’t look that way; think I could use a hand.”

Ryo had managed to apprehend one of the trio of young thugs they’d caught carrying out the latest in a series of daring daylight smash and grab raids, and Dee had thought he’d gotten a grip on one of the others as the third took off down the street, but it had been like trying to keep hold of a greased eel. The kid had twisted out of his grasp, jabbing a sharp elbow into his gut in the process then kicking him savagely in the ankle, taking his leg out from under him.

Dee had gone down hard, right on the scattered, razor-sharp shards of what definitely wasn’t the safety glass recommended for shop windows, driving some of the fragments into his thigh and his ass. He didn’t think any of them had gone too deep but he was bleeding from several wounds and if he moved he risked either driving the shards deeper or sticking himself with more. There was so much of the stuff scattered across the sidewalk it would be impossible to avoid.

“Keep as still as you can.” Ryo quickly cuffed his captive to a convenient street sign and then used one foot to clear as much of the broken glass as possible from around his partner before helping Dee to his feet and carefully brushing off any shards that weren’t embedded in him. That left maybe half a dozen, making Dee look a bit like he’d had an encounter with a glass porcupine, but only one, in Dee’s upper thigh, looked as though it could be serious.

Pulling his tie off, Ryo fastened it around his lover’s leg above the wound, using it as a makeshift tourniquet before helping Dee to a nearby bench and making him lie down on his uninjured side with his leg raised. Only then did he radio for an ambulance.

Unsurprisingly, Dee wasn’t too happy with his situation, gritting his teeth against the pain and scowling in the general direction of the thief who hadn’t gotten away.

“Why me? First I get shot through the leg, then I get shot in the ass, I get my leg broken, and then I get a gigantic goddamned splinter in me. You’d think that would be enough, but no, now I’ve gotta deal with this! It’s so frickin’ unfair! What’s the universe got against me?”

“It’s not so bad, Dee; doesn’t look like any of the major blood vessels are involved.” Ryo did his best to be reassuring.

“Oh yeah? Why the tourniquet then?”

“Just a precaution, that’s all. Besides, it’s good practice.”

“Yeah, like I believe that!” Dee looked up at his partner. “You’re not that good a liar.”

“I’m not lying! One shard looks like it might be in quite deep, so…” Ryo shrugged. “Where’s the harm in being a bit over-cautious? Better that than taking unnecessary risks. What happened anyway? I thought you had the guy under control!”

“So did , but the damned kid squirmed right outta his jacket.” Dee still had it clutched in his hand. “If his buddy over there doesn’t give his associates up we can maybe still i.d. one of ‘em from this. Damn, I really thought I had him but he just slipped through my hands.”

“It happens. Don’t worry about it; we’ll get him.” Ryo loosened the tourniquet briefly then tightened it again, glad he’d taken the refresher course in emergency first aid the previous month. It was always a good idea to keep up to date; Dee already had his name down for the next one.

They didn’t have to wait long for the ambulance and a patrol car to show up. The uniforms took the thief into custody, along with the abandoned jacket, which Ryo had bagged as evidence. Ryo himself fetched their unmarked police car and followed the ambulance to the hospital; there might be more evidence on Dee’s clothes from his scuffle with the one that had gotten away so someone would need to be on hand to collect them. Dee wouldn’t be happy about that either, but at least he was wearing casuals instead of one of his good suits. His pants were probably ruined anyway.

If Dee had been annoyed at the turn of events that had led to him being carted off to the hospital, his mood soured even more when he arrived at the ER and was delivered into the not so tender care of the head nurse on duty. If he’d needed any more proof that the universe had it in for him, he got it; seeing Nurse Emiry frowning down at him was the last straw.

“Oh no, no way! I’m outta here!” He made to get up off the gurney but a huge meaty hand pushed him flat again, face down, and for a moment he wondered if Emiry was trying to suffocate him.

The sharp-tongued battleaxe huffed at him in annoyance. “If you don’t stay still I’ll have you restrained!”

“You can’t do that!” Dee whined. “I’m a police officer!”

“You’re an insufferable nuisance; I don’t know how your partner puts up with you!”

Emiry didn’t need any help from the orderlies; she simply grasped the gurney and wheeled it into a treatment room by herself. Once again Dee found himself wondering if she was really a man in drag; she was certainly big enough, and she had the muscles and the temperament of a pro wrestler. Dee was six feet two and while not a body builder, he was well muscled, but he had no doubt she could snap him like a twig if she chose to.

“I’m doomed,” he whimpered.

“Quit your whining!” his nemesis snapped as she parked the gurney and picked up a massive pair of scissors, the sharp blades gleaming as she snipped at the air, testing them.

Dee’s blood ran cold. “Ack!”

“Hmpf!” Emiry grunted. “Hold still!” and she set to work snipping all the way up his trouser leg to get at the most deeply embedded piece of glass. A few more snips and she had the flesh surrounding the other shards exposed to her gimlet eyes. Dee buried his face in his arms, acutely aware of having half his butt on display. He wasn’t ashamed of his body, knew he had no reason to be, and normally it wouldn’t have bothered him, but having Emiry prodding at his bare ass wasn’t his idea of fun.

He felt the sharp prick of a hypodermic, then again, and again, as the nurse injected local anaesthetic around each of the glass shards, before plucking the first few out before he was numb.

“Gahhh! You butcher!”


“Yes, Nurse Emiry.” No one, not even Mother, could make Dee feel smaller or more insignificant than Nurse Emiry did; he felt like a bug waiting to be squashed.

“Hmpf. Such a fuss about a few little scratches.” Emiry moved her equipment tray closer, unpackaged a suture needle, threaded it, and started stitching his wounds closed. He still wasn’t completely numb.

“Sonofabitch!” he hissed under his breath.

“What was that, detective?”

“Nothing, Nurse Emiry.”


Thankfully, by the time the minor wounds were sutured and the nurse dug the largest shard out of his leg, checking thoroughly to make sure she didn’t leave any fragments behind, Dee couldn’t feel a thing. It was as though he only had one leg and half an ass, but he could hear Emiry tutting to herself in mild annoyance.

“How bad is it?” he dared to ask.

“It’s probably ruined.” Before Dee could start panicking, Emiry added, “Such a waste of a nice tie.”

Dee breathed a silent sigh of relief; she hadn’t been talking about his leg. He’d been half worried she might want to cut if off.

“It’s Ryo’s, but I bet he can get the blood out; he’s good at stuff like that.”

“Hm.” The bloodstained tie came into view as Emiry gently set it aside. “You were lucky, this just needs irrigating and stitching; no need for surgery. You lead a charmed life, detective, although I can’t imagine why. All that glass and nothing worse than a few minor cuts; you should consider yourself fortunate.”

When she put it that way Dee supposed he had gotten off lightly. A fresh needle was produced and then the final wound was being stitched. A clean, white bandage followed, and a few surgical dressings for the shallower wounds.

“Come back in a week to have the stitches removed. Until then, keep the wounds clean and dry, avoid vigorous exercise, and take painkillers as necessary. Can you remember all that or should I have someone write it down for you?” Emiry looked down her nose at him.

“I can remember. Thank you, Nurse Emiry.” He might loathe and fear her, but Dee knew that good manners were a must around the formidable nurse; they rendered her marginally less unpleasant.

“Hmpf. I suppose you’d best stay put until some feeling returns to your leg, can’t have you falling over and suing the hospital. I’ll have an orderly bring you scrubs and a pair of crutches. You should keep the weight off that leg for a few days; if you tear the stitches out there WILL be trouble. Understand?”

“Yes, Nurse Emiry.”

Without another word she swept out of the room like a massive warship under full sail and Dee spared a brief thought for her next patient; whoever they were they had his sympathy. On the other hand, rather them than him!

“There you are! Nurse Emiry told me I’d find you here. How are you?”

Dee smiled as Ryo entered the treatment room and came over to the gurney. “All the better for seeing you. Guess I’m gonna live.”

“Are you ready to get out of here? I spoke to the Chief and he said I should take you straight home.”

“Not supposed to move yet; can’t feel my leg so walkin’ might be a bit hazardous and I don’t fancy tryin’ to sit in a wheelchair. Someone’s gonna bring me crutches and some scrub pants, probably a wound care kit too; gotta wait for those. Before I forget, Emiry took real good care of your tie. Don’t know if it’s salvageable though.”

“If not, at least it was sacrificed for a good cause.” Ryo rescued the tie, folding it and putting it in his pocket. The blood on it was already dry. “I’ll see what I can do with it when we get home.”

“Sorry I screwed up, babe. I should’a gotten a better grip on that kid.”

“Don’t talk like that; you didn’t screw up, you just had a bit of bad luck.” Ryo smiled sympathetically. “And at the risk of making a bad day worse, I’m gonna need the rest of your clothes; might be evidence on them.”

”Aw, man! You’ve gotta be kiddin’ me! What’re the chances he left DNA on me? More likely to get some from his own damned jacket, and ya won’t even need that if he left his wallet or phone in it!”

“Sorry, but you know the drill; either he or the third guy must have cut himself on that window because I noticed blood on the sidewalk leading away from the scene that definitely didn’t come from you.”

“Today just keeps on gettin’ better and better,” Dee grumbled. “Fine, but you’ll have to strip me. Damn, never thought there’d come a time I wouldn’t enjoy that.”

Ryo snickered but donned latex gloves and helped Dee out of his jacket and shirt, placing them in evidence bags. Then he removed Dee’s belt and cut away what was left of his pants, leaving the remains of his underwear in place. He’d just finished sealing the final bag when an orderly came in carrying scrubs and crutches, and a bag.

“Detective Laytner? Nurse Emiry said I should give you these. Uh, do you need a hand with anything?”

“No,” Ryo said with a smile. “Thanks, but we can manage. I’m sure you’ve got more important things to do.”

As soon as the orderly left, Ryo picked up the scrubs and shook them out.

“Better than nothing I guess.” He helped Dee dress then got him up on his crutches. “How’s the leg now?”

“Still half numb but I don’t think it’ll be a problem. Hell of a day!”

“Tell me about it. Look on the bright side though; you’re getting to go home early while I’ll have to go back to the Precinct and finish out my shift.”

“Shit, I hadn’t thought of that! Sorry, babe.”

“Don’t worry about it; I don’t mind.” Ryo held up the evidence bag. “I’ll drop this lot off with Jim on the way; with any luck you’ll get your jacket back in a day or two.”

“Think I’ll get to keep the scrubs?” Dee asked. “We could play sexy doctor and patient.”

Glancing his partner’s way, Ryo raised an eyebrow. “There’s nothing remotely sexy about hospital scrubs.”

“Ouch! Thanks, babe; way to add insult to injury!” As if Nurse Emiry hadn’t already done that, in spades!

“Besides, you’ll be out of action until the stitches are removed anyway.”

Dee sighed mournfully. “Yeah, that figures.” No sex for a week; just one more cruel twist of fate.

One day maybe he’d figure out exactly why the universe hated him so much.

The End

Tags: dee laytner, fake, fake fic, fan_flashworks, fic, fic: one-shot, fic: pg, nurse emiry, other character/s, ryo maclean


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