badly_knitted (badly_knitted) wrote,

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FAKE Ficlet: Ted's Dilemma

Title: Ted's Dilemma
Fandom: FAKE
Author: badly_knitted
Characters: Dee, Ted, JJ, Drake, Ryo.
Rating: PG
Setting: After the manga.
Summary: Ted has a dilemma; he wants to buy his girlfriend something special, but he could do with some advice from someone who knows more about the subject than he does.
Written Using: The dw100 prompt ‘Lace’.
Word Count: 812
Disclaimer: I don’t own FAKE, or the characters. They belong to the wonderful Sanami Matoh.

“Whatcha lookin’ at there, Ted?” Dee asked, catching his friend sitting at his desk, nose buried in some kind of glossy brochure. Not bothering to wait for an answer, he snatched it right out of Ted’s hands before the other man could react, flipping it over to check out the cover before flicking through the pages. “Lacy ladies’ lingerie? There somethin’ you’re not tellin’ us? ‘Cause ya know ya can, we won’t judge ya if ya like to get yourself all prettied up now and then, or even if ya just like to wear somethin’ a little more sensuous under your suits.”

“Gimme that, you bastard!” Ted jumped to his feet, grabbing for the brochure, his face going nearly as red as his hair, although whether it was from anger at Dee’s teasing or embarrassment at having been caught perusing a women’s underwear catalogue at work it was difficult to be sure.

Dee was too quick for Ted though, tossing the purloined booklet to Drake, then making sure Ted couldn’t get past him to retrieve it.

“Asshole!” Ted glared at his friend. “If you must know, I was lookin’ for something sexy to get Angie for Valentine’s Day. She doesn’t have any really nice lingerie, not on a nurse’s salary. I thought it might make her feel good to have something special to wear when we go out, even if nobody but me gets to see her in it.”

“Right,” Dee drawled with a knowing grin. “The sexy undies are just for your girl, not for your benefit at all.”

Ted shrugged awkwardly. “Never said I wouldn’t enjoy them too.”

By now JJ was flipping through the glossy pages, Drake curiously looking over his shoulder. “Well, if you want to make her really happy, go for silk or satin, and as little lace as possible, especially on the panties; it’s horribly scratchy against delicate skin.”

Everyone in the room fell silent and turned to stare at him, the same thought running through their heads; JJ was gay, how the hell did he know so much about ladies’ undergarments?

A puzzled expression spread across JJ’s face as he realised all his friends were giving him funny looks. “What? I’ve got three older sisters; if anyone knows what girls DON’T want when it comes to underwear, it’s me. I’ve spent years listening to them complain about the gifts their boyfriends give them. Lace might look pretty and feminine but according to my sisters it’s like wearing sandpaper.”

Everyone present winced at the mere thought of letting sandpaper anywhere near their sensitive man parts. The uncomfortably gritty feeling in their shorts after a day at the beach was bad enough.

“Okay,” Ted said at last, breaking the uncomfortable silence. “Silk or satin, and minimal lace; I can do that.” He crossed the room to JJ’s desk to reclaim his property and this time Dee didn’t try to stop him, just shrugged amiably and followed, joining the others to study the catalogue as JJ showed Ted what he thought were the best options, based on what he’d learned from his sisters.

“Ice blue satin would suit Angie’s complexion, either that, the lilac, or white. Whatever you do, don’t get her anything black.”

“Why not?” Ted’s mouth was almost watering at the image of Angie, with her pale skin and red hair, dressed in black satin; she’d look so hot!

“Because black can only be worn under dark clothes, silly! Otherwise, it shows through. Pastels are a better choice because they can be worn under almost anything.”

“Huh. I would’ve never thought of that,” Ted admitted. Regretfully he gave up the idea of slinky black lingerie. “Pastels it is then. Now, what about style?” There were so many to choose from and Ted had known from the moment he’d opened the catalogue that he was completely out of his depth.

“You want something elegant but practical, nothing too skimpy. Underwear should be comfy, and you wouldn’t want Angie thinking you only see her as a sex object.”

Ted shuddered. “Nooooo, wouldn’t want that!” Angie had quite a temper.

“Right, so…” JJ started going over the good and bad points of the different designs, giving his fellow detectives a much-needed education in ladies’ undergarments, for future reference. Never knew when that kind of information might come in handy.

Huddled around JJ’s desk the friends were so engrossed with helping Ted narrow down his choices that nobody noticed when Ryo entered the squad room.

“Did I miss something?” he asked. “Do we have a new case?”

“Nothin’ like that.” Dee grinned over his shoulder at his partner. “We’re just discussin’ the relative merits of ladies’ undies. You’re welcome to join in if you want; it’s quite revealin’.”

Ryo flushed pink and turned towards his desk. “I’m sorry I asked; there are some things I just don’t need to know.”

The End

Tags: dee laytner, drake parker, fake, fake fic, fic, fic: one-shot, fic: pg, ficlet, jj adams, ryo maclean, ted o'neill


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