Word Count: 400
Spoilers: Set after The Gift.
Summary: Buffy believes she deserves to be punished for all her failings.
Written For: Challenge 327: Amnesty at fan_flashworks, using Challenge 40: Purgatory.
Disclaimer: I don’t own BtVS, or the characters.
A/N: Quadruple drabble.
Buffy had always been well aware that she wasn’t perfect, not as a daughter, friend, student, girlfriend, sister to the cuckoo in the nest, and not even as the Slayer. She’d tried hard, but all the different aspects of her life had tugged her in different directions, and there’d never been enough of her to go around.
In the end, no matter how hard she’d tried, she’d failed everyone to varying degrees. Everything had been an uphill battle for so long that sacrificing herself in Dawn’s place had seemed the only logical course of action. One Slayer died and another was called; that was the way the system worked. Her powers wouldn’t be removed from the world, just transferred to someone more worthy, more dedicated, more deserving. The fight against evil would continue, Dawn would get to live a normal, human life, and Buffy herself…
She assumed she’d get sent to Hell for all the mistakes she’d made, at the very least for being instrumental in stripping Angel of his soul and setting Angelus loose in the world again. If not Hell, then surely purgatory, where she could spend her time trying to make amends for all her many sins. That was the best she could hope for, and she welcomed the idea.
She had so many deaths on her conscience, people who’d died because she wasn’t good enough or fast enough to save them. She wanted to be made to pay, whatever the price, because then perhaps she could finally let go of the guilt and shame burdening her soul from all she’d done wrong in her short life. She wanted to be absolved of everything, from her stupid, petty, teenaged rebellions and thoughtlessness to the deaths of each and every one of Angelus’ most recent victims. None of them had deserved their fates; Buffy would have gladly turned the clock back, undone the biggest mistake of her life, if only she could. Losing Ms Calendar had hurt Giles so badly.
Buffy never even felt herself hit the ground; she jumped and then her life was over, but far from being sent to the hoped-for purgatory, she found herself somewhere else. There was nothing to see or hear, nothing but an overwhelming sense of peace enfolding her, urging her to rest now. Her work was done, her journey ended. She Might not deserve it, but she was in Heaven.