Characters: Ianto, Jack.
Summary: Jack was absolutely certain he’d correctly identified his latest find. To Ianto’s extreme discomfort, it turns out he was mistaken.
Word Count: 500
Written For: Prompt 634: Mistaken Identity at slashthedrabble.
Disclaimer: I don’t own Torchwood, or the characters. They belong to the BBC.
Sex with Jack was never less than innovative; Ianto hadn’t been lying when he’d told Martha that. Well, maybe the ‘bordering on the Avant Garde’ line was a touch of embellishment, but he hadn’t been able to resist; the expression on her face had been priceless. If you don’t want to know, don’t ask, although… He rather thought she HAD wanted to know and had been intrigued by his answer. Such a fangirl, and the UNIT cap was still getting a lot of use.
So yes, Jack, innovative, sexy, and very skilled. Ianto had no complaints on that score, he was always left satisfied. As far as he knew, Jack had no complaints about his performance either. There was just one problem, one small black cloud of woe marring their otherwise incomparable love life, and that was Jack’s toys.
Not that Ianto had anything against sex toys. Quite the opposite, in fact; they could add delectable spice to even the most mundane of positions, enhancing pleasure for both parties. He and Jack already had quite a collection, which Jack added to at every opportunity. Many, even most, of the items had come from reputable adult emporiums, both online and of the mail order variety. Some had been bought at a very discreet shop in Cardiff. Others, however, had rather more dubious provenance, which is to say, they fell through the Rift.
Jack liked to think he was an expert on alien sex toys, and indeed on all kinds of alien tech, and it wasn’t a baseless claim. He was quite often correct in his identification of the sundry items the Rift dredged from all corners of the universe and throughout time. With the technological devices Jack thought he recognised, he was right approximately eighty-five percent of the time. Sadly, when it came to possible sex toys, his success rating dropped below twenty percent. The latest ‘toy’ was a case in point.
To be fair, it looked the part. Size and shape were very suggestive of a certain purpose, and it had controls on the ‘handle’ end, the rest of the device being pleasingly textured and rubbery, but appearances could be deceptive, as they had just discovered. In Ianto’s considered opinion, it was either a weapon or a torture device. What it most definitely was NOT was a sex toy. Unfortunately for Ianto, that little fact had only come to light after Jack had tried it out on him.
His hair was still standing on end and slightly singed, and honestly, it was a good thing the device had been on its lowest setting. Equally fortunate that Ianto was immortal these days, otherwise… Well, enough said.
“I can’t believe you shoved that alien cattle prod up my arse!”
“I made a mistake, I’m sorry!” Jack said, for the umpteenth time.
“For the record, next time you want to play with a new ‘toy’ you just found, we’re testing it out on you first! I lit up like a bloody light bulb!”