November 11th, 2011

My Captain, Oh Captain

Real Life Loss

So, yesterday my Dad died. Not really a shock, certainly not unexpected, he had vascular dementia and had being going downhill fast over the last few months. I didn't get to see him as my health problems mean I can't travel far, but then I haven't seen him for years, we weren't close though we did speak on the phone until it got to the point where he couldn't hold a conversation. It's doubtful he would have known who I was anyway.

It just feels weird that he's gone. We hadn't seen each other much since my parents divorced 30 years ago, but he was still my Dad. I spent a lot of time last night just thinking about all the good memories and all the things I can be grateful to him for. He was far from perfect as a Dad, but he had his good points to balance out the not-so-good. I'm just thankful he didn't hang on for years the way his older sister did, she had vascular dementia too and suffered so much, and I didn't want that for him. Guess it will just take a while to sink in properly, right now I just feel sort of numb and empty.