badly_knitted (badly_knitted) wrote,

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Ficlet: Not Quite Themselves

Title: Not Quite Themselves

Author: badly_knitted

Characters: Jack, Owen, Tosh, Gwen, Ianto

Rating: PG

Spoilers: None.

Summary: The team aren’t having a very good day.

Word Count: 442

Written For: juliet316’s prompt ‘Torchwood, Team!fic, An alien race tries to turn the Torchwood team into one of their species. Green was never Jack's color.’ at [community profile] fic_promptly.

Disclaimer: I don’t own Torchwood, or the characters. They belong to the BBC.

The entire team was having a very bad day. A Rift alert had dragged them all out of bed at the crack of dawn after a late night dealing with multiple Weevil incursions, and right now they weren’t quite themselves.

The alien race they’d encountered weren't malevolent, as such; they just had a rather unique way of making first contact with other races. That way being to turn the subjects of said first contact into replicas of themselves. They claimed they did it in order to facilitate communication, and Jack had to admit that it worked well enough. The trouble was, it meant that now Team Torchwood were all two feet tall, hairless and green.

“Green is definitely NOT my colour,” Jack grumbled.

“Suck it up, Harkness. In case you missed it, we’re all in the same boat.” That was probably Owen, though it was hard to tell since they were all identical.

“Look on the bright side, they said it’s temporary, it should wear off before too long,” one small green figure said, looking up from the seemingly enormous PDA cradled in its hands. That was Tosh, obviously.

“Well I hope it wears off before tonight! Rhys and I are supposed to be having dinner with his parents! I can’t go looking like this, but we’ve already cancelled twice,” little green Gwen fretted.

They all turned as one to glare at the final member of their team, who was jauntily whistling ‘It’s Not Easy Being Green’ as he carefully folded their clothing into separate piles. Tosh turned a deeper shade of green as she watched Ianto carefully place her bra and briefs on the pile of her clothing, with her folded blouse on top as polite concealment.

“This isn’t funny!” Green Jack put his hands on his hips, trying to look intimidating. It didn’t work; he just looked sillier than ever. “I’m green and I don’t have my favourite bits of my anatomy!” He looked down at his bare groin.

“It is a bit funny, Jack. Where’s your sense of humour?”

“Gone! Along with my cock and balls.” Jack actually pouted.

Ianto snorted. “Like Tosh said, it’s temporary. We should be grateful our new friends only wanted to ask directions. Things could have been a lot worse.”

“How can you be so cheerful?” Gwen wanted to know.

“Think about it. After all the times Jack’s told us they don’t exist, we just met aliens who really are little green men!”

The rest of the team started to laugh; they had to admit Ianto had a point.

Jack wasn’t amused though. He just sat down, folded his little green arms, and sulked.

The End

Tags: crack-fic, fic, fic: one-shot, fic: pg, fic_promptly, ficlet, humour, ianto jones, jack harkness, jack/ianto, owen harper, torchwood fic, toshiko sato

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