badly_knitted (badly_knitted) wrote,

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Discworld Ficlet: Everybody Has Secrets

Title: Everybody Has Secrets

Author: badly_knitted

Characters: Vimes, Carrot and the Librarian

Rating: G

Spoilers: None.

Summary: Vimes expounds on secrets to his drinking companion, and Carrot.

Word Count: 330

Written For: [personal profile] uberniftacular’s prompt ‘Discworld, the Librarian (+ any), Everybody's Got Something to Hide Except Me and My Monkey,’ at [community profile] fic_promptly.

Disclaimer: I don’t own Discworld, or the characters. They belong to the late, great, Sir Terry Pratchett..

Vimes knocked back his drink and stared morosely into the depths of his empty cup as if searching for something.

“Everyone’s got secrets, have you noticed that?” he asked his companions without looking up.


“I know. Big secrets, little secrets, important secrets, shameful secrets, all kinds of secrets, but they keep ‘em all… secret, ‘b’cause they don’t want anyone to find out. It’s our job, the job of the watch, to dig out all the bad secrets, the ones that cause trouble. But we’ve got our own secrets to worry about.”

Captain Carrot frowned. “I don’t think I’ve got any secrets.”

“No, well you wouldn’t, would you? You’re an open book, you are. What you see is what you get.”

“Oook,” the Librarian agreed. “Oook oook.”

“Well, no, your secret isn’t exactly a secret, is it? Can’t be if everyone knows it. Stands to reason.”


“That’s not a secret, it’s a… it’s a miscon whatsit.”

“Misconception?” Carrot asked.

“That’s the one.”

Vimes looked into his mug again. Somehow it was still empty, he wondered if he should get it filled again.

“Sir, don’t you think you’ve had enough for one night?”

“If I can still think, the answer’s probably no. Still, I should call it a night, Sybil will be waitin’ up, best head home before I get in hot water.”

“Oook ook oook.”

“No problem.” Vimes laid a friendly hand on a furry shoulder to steady himself. “Your lack of secrets is safe with me. I’m an upstanding member of society and a… something of law and order. Very reliable sort.” He pushed off and headed towards the door, weaving a little but managing a reasonably straight line in what was almost the right direction, and as he ricocheted off the doorframe before vanishing into the night, Carrot turned to the Librarian.

“Who needs secrets anyway? They’re not worth having, they only get people in trouble.”


“Good point, I suppose it does keep us in work.”

The End

Tags: carrot, discworld fic, fic, fic: g, fic: one-shot, fic_promptly, ficlet, sam vimes, the librarian

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