Title: Meeting And Greeting
Fandom: Torchwood/Doctor Who
Characters: River Song, Eleventh Doctor, Jack, Ianto
Summary: Jack and Ianto receive unexpected visitors.
Word Count: 395
Written For: oneill’s prompt ‘Any, Any, "Who is this charming rogue?",’ at fic_promptly.
Disclaimer: I don’t own Torchwood, or the characters. They belong to the BBC.
“Well now, and who is this charming rogue?” River purred, eyeing Jack up and down with open appreciation.
“Oh, not you too,” the Doctor said in a pained tone. He turned on Jack. “And you, stop being all…” he waved his hands vaguely in the air, “like that with my wife.”
“Hey, I was just saying hello. This vision of loveliness is your wife?”
“That’s me, the old ball and chain.” River’s smile was rather more inviting than certain people were comfortable with. “Professor River Song. Hello, Sweetie.”
Jack took her hand and gallantly kissed her fingers. “The pleasure’s all mine, Professor Song.”
“Not for long,” Ianto muttered, just loud enough for Jack to hear.
Jack dropped River’s hand as if he’d been burned. “Ah, Doctor, Professor Song, allow me to introduce my better half, Ianto Jones.”
Ianto gave them a polite smile. “Doctor, Professor, it’s an honour. Might I offer you some refreshments?”
“Very kind of you, Mr Jones.” The Doctor sounded relieved. “I don’t suppose you have any tea, do you?”
“Of course. Earl Grey?”
“Oh, yes please.”
“Professor? Tea or coffee?”
“Wise choice,” Jack beamed. “You’re in for a treat, Ianto makes the finest coffee known to man.” Then he sighed mournfully. “Though I suspect I’m about to be served decaf.” He winced at the thought.
“Decaf?” The Doctor sounded puzzled.
“It’s how I keep him in line,” Ianto explained. “I’d let the punishment fit the crime, but I dislike punishing myself along with Jack, so I’ve had to come up with other deterrents. Depriving him of his caffeine has proven quite effective.”
“Oh, that’s clever!” The Doctor lowered his voice. “I don’t suppose you have any ideas on how I could, ah, curb some of River’s more excessive…” He trailed off.
“If I were you, Doctor, I wouldn’t even try. I have a feeling she could find ways to make you suffer that you wouldn’t even want to think about.”
The Doctor considered that and shivered.
“You’re a wise man, Mr Jones.”
“I do my best, Doctor.”
“They seem to be conspiring,” River hissed at Jack. “Should we be worried?”
“Oh yes,” Jack nodded. “We’re doomed. All we can do now is beg for leniency.”
“I’ll take that under advisement.”
Quickly they scurried to the sides of their respective spouses. This was going to be a very interesting visit.