badly_knitted (badly_knitted) wrote,

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Fic: Fluff Buffet - Part 2/2

Title: Welcome To Owen Harper’s All-You-Can-Eat Fluff Buffet - Part 2/2

Author: badly_knitted

Characters: Tosh, Owen, Mickey, Andy, Jack, Ianto, Nosy. Brief mention of Gwen.

Pairings: Jack/Ianto, slight Tosh/Owen

Rating: PG-13

Spoilers: Don’t think so. Set after Exit Wounds and Doctor Who, Journey’s End, but everyone’s still alive and the team has been expanded.

Warnings: Typical silliness, fluff etc.

Word Count: 4023

Summary: Nosy discovers the delights (and otherwise) of earth foods.

Series: Fifth in the Nosy-Verse, follows The Care And Feeding Of Alien Fluffs

Disclaimer: I still don’t own Torchwood, or any of the characters, but I do own Nosy.

A/N: This is for everyone who’s commented, with thanks; your enthusiasm for Nosy makes me want to keep writing. Hope you all enjoy this one.

Part One

It took them nearly half an hour to cart all the pieces across the Hub and into the night duty room, but they finally had everything in one place and the packaging removed. Owen picked up the instructions.

“Bunk beds? What do we need bunk beds for?”

“Ianto said something about the top bunk being for our new pet. Apparently it snuck down Jack’s manhole last night and got in bed with them or something, didn’t like being alone. So, whoever gets night duty in future also has to baby sit an overgrown bottle brush.”

“Be nice to have the company,” Andy said cheerfully.

“Good job it’s your turn tonight then,” Mickey grinned.

“It is, isn’t it? I get to be first to sleep in the new bed!”

“Why d’you have to be so bloody cheerful about everything?” Owen grumbled.

“Why d’you have to be so grouchy? If I’m Happy, you must be Grumpy.”

“No way! I’m the doctor around here, so that makes me Doc. Mickey’s Grumpy.”

Laughing and arguing amiably, they set about laying out all the parts, then started to put them together under Mickey’s expert guidance. It turned out he was a whiz at putting together furniture of all kinds.

“Okay, if Andy’s Happy, you’re Doc and I’m Grumpy – which I ain’t admitting to, but I’ll go with it for now – who are the other four?” Mickey asked Owen.

Owen gave it some thought as he worked. “Tosh is Bashful, obviously. Gwen’s sleepy ‘cause she nods off at her desk. That leaves Sneezy and Dopey.”

“Well Dopey is obvious,” said Mickey.

They all looked at each other and chorused, “Jack!” before falling about laughing.

A soft slithering noise from the doorway interrupted them, and they turned to see Nosy peering ‘round the doorframe. It gave an enquiring hum.

“Hello there,” Andy greeted it. He got up off the floor and went over to the door, dusting his trousers off as he went. Nosy slithered part way into the room, then stopped, scrunched up and sneezed. “Bless you. I think we’ve found our Sneezy!” Andy said over his shoulder to the others, bending down to make a fuss of Nosy.

Mickey frowned. “If the feather duster there is Sneezy, what’s left for Ianto?”

Owen shrugged. “We’ve run out of Dwarfs, guess he’ll have to be Snow White!”

“It fits!” Mickey said with a grin. “He’s always cleaning the house and getting the food.”

“Not to mention picking up the laundry,” Andy added.

Owen chuckled. “I can just see the look on his face if we called him that.” He paused, before adding, “Better not though, or we’ll find ourselves on decaf for a month.”

“Not risking that,” Mickey agreed.

“We’re pathetic,” Owen sighed. “Teaboy’s got us over a barrel, we’re so addicted to his coffee we daren’t do anything that might interfere with us getting our regular fix.”

The others both nodded.

“It is very good though.”

“Good?” Owen stared at Andy like he’d grown a second head. “It’s bloody amazing! Makes everything else taste like mud.”

Mickey clapped his hands together. “Come on, guys, let’s get back to work, this bed’s not gonna build itself while we’re standing around extolling the virtues of Ianto’s coffee.”

Andy gave Nosy a final pat and told it, “You can watch, but you need to stay there out of the way, don’t want you getting squashed.”

Nosy obediently slithered backwards into the doorway, where it settled down to watch. Owen was always surprised that it could go backwards as easily as forwards, and made a mental note to study its abilities further when he had time. He’d been reading up on xenobiology for some time now – in his line of work it was essential and there was a fair amount in the archives on the subject – and Nosy was proving a fascinating subject for study. Besides, it would be a good excuse for spending time with the alien. He didn’t want the rest of the team thinking he’d gone completely soft, he had a reputation to uphold.


It didn’t take the three men long to get the bed constructed and set in position against the wall. They worked well together – all of the team did. Jack may not be the world’s greatest leader, but he knew people and had put together a team whose skills complemented each other. That’s not to say there was never any friction between the team members – that would have been unnatural – but most of the time they all got along and any arguments were minor.

While they worked, Nosy mostly kept well out of the way, but it occasionally helped out, fetching tools that rolled out of reach and handing them back, much to everyone’s amusement.

Standing back and dusting themselves off (which set Nosy sneezing again), they admired their handiwork. Mickey stepped forward and gave the frame a good shake. It didn’t budge.

“Solid as a rock. Let’s get the mattresses on, then stop for a beer.”

There were general murmurs of approval from the other two.

Mattresses dragged in from the hallway, unwrapped and hauled into place, Andy sat on the bottom bunk and bounced experimentally.

“How does if feel?” asked Owen.

“Good. Not too hard. Why don’t you try it for yourself?”

Owen sat beside Andy and bounced. “Nice. Not too soft either.”

Mickey joined them, seating himself the other side of Andy, bouncing carefully. “Yeah, feels just right to me.”

There was silence for a moment as they looked at each other, then they all burst out laughing. “This fairytale stuff is getting out of hand. Come on, time for that beer, then we should fetch the bedding, it’s still up in the Tourist Centre. Ianto thought of everything.”

“’Course he did,” said Owen, “If there was an Olympic event for being organised, he’d take gold every time. I swear the man’s brain is full of tiny filing cabinets with his every thought neatly catalogued and filed away so he can find it again at a moment’s notice. He probably has a list of the lists he makes. In triplicate!”

Laughing at Owen’s comments, they made their way back to the kitchen area with Nosy slinking along behind them. Mickey grabbed three beers from the fridge and opened them.

“Tosh,” Andy called, “we’re all having a well-deserved beer, do you want one?”

“Not a beer, but I’ll have a soda if there is one.”

Andy checked the fridge. “Coke or Sprite?”

“Sprite, please,” Tosh replied, walking over to join them.

Andy handed her the bottle. “We’ve been putting together the new bed in the night duty room,” he told her.

“Bunk beds,” Owen added. “Nosy gets the top bunk and whoever’s on duty has the bottom. Ianto’s idea, apparently. You should come take a look when we take the bedding down.”

“As long as you don’t expect me to make the beds,” Tosh replied.

“Shucks, foiled!” grinned Andy.

“Never crossed my mind!” Owen tried to look innocent, but it was Owen, so it didn’t really work.


As soon as they’d finished their drinks, the three men headed up to the Tourist Centre to collect the bedding. Tosh headed for the night duty room, Nosy at her heels, to test out the new bed before the others came back. Just as the three men had, she sat on the bottom bunk and bounced, but then she stretched out on the mattress with a sigh.

“Oh, this is really comfy,” she told Nosy. “But how are you supposed to get into your bed?”

Nosy hummed enquiringly.

Tosh got up and reached one hand up to the top bunk, patting the mattress. “This is your bed,” she explained to Nosy.

Nosy sat up and looked, then slithered to the ladder and squiggled its way up onto the top bunk. It tried to bounce like everyone else had, but because of its shape, it wasn’t very good at it, so it gave up and just coiled up comfortably.

“Comfy?” Tosh asked.

It hummed approval.

Arriving back with all the bedding, Owen, Andy and Mickey dumped their loads on the floor and stared at Nosy.

“How’d it get up there?”

“Tosh shrugged. “The ladder. It just sort of squiggled its way up.”

“Well, it can squiggle its way back down again so we can make up the beds,” Owen said firmly.

Nosy took a bit of persuading, but finally did as it was told and slithered back to the floor.

In the end, they all helped make up the beds. Owen and Tosh took charge of the bottom bunk while Mickey and Andy dealt with the top. They looked very inviting once they were done.

“Beats that old cot by a country mile,” said Andy, “Real luxury.”

“You won’t want to get up if there’s a rift alert tonight,” teased Tosh.

“At least I’ll be well rested if the world decides to end on my watch. Still, can’t stand around wishing it was bedtime already, no matter how tempting it looks. Work to do.” Andy started gathering the plastic packaging, stuffing it into the bags the pillows and duvets came in.


Once all the rubbish was bagged up, Andy and Mickey hauled it down to the incinerator for disposal, taking care to shut the door to the lower levels, so Nosy couldn’t follow. Owen and Tosh headed back to the main Hub with Nosy, luring it away from its new bed with the promise of a game of fetch.

“You can throw your own balls this time,” Tosh told Owen with a cheeky grin.

“Now that’s a feat I’m not sure even Jack could accomplish,” Owen joked in reply. “Speak of the devil,” he added as the door from the garage opened and Jack struggled through, loaded down with shopping bags and followed by a less heavily laden Ianto, leaning on his cane. He’d had more than enough of walking, now all he wanted to do was collapse on the sofa and put his feet up, which is exactly what he did.

“Shopping was a success, I take it?” Owen continued, taking in the array of bags.

“Oh yeah,” Jack beamed, dumping his bags on and around the coffee table. “Just you wait ‘til we show you what we bought!” He was bouncing on the balls of his feet like an excited child.

Ianto rolled his eyes. “I don’t know where you get the energy. I’ve about had it. Give me a few minutes to catch my breath and I’ll make coffee while you fetch the rest of the bags.”

“There’s more?” asked Owen incredulously.

“Yep, a few more bags. It’s not all for Nosy though. Did the beds arrive?”

“Ages ago. They’re all set up and ready for use.”

Ianto’s eyebrows went up. “I’m impressed!”

“You should be, we worked bloody hard!” Mickey grumbled as he and Andy wandered over to join the gathering. Nosy was eying the piles of bags curiously.

Ianto heaved himself up off the sofa and limped towards the kitchen area, taking several of the bags with him.

“I’m going to make us all a coffee and get some ice for my knee,” he announced. “When I get back, we’ll see what Nosy thinks of its new toys. Give me a hand, Tosh?”

“Sure,” Tosh said with a smile.

“Can’t I help?” asked Jack.

“Thought you were fetching the rest of the bags?”

“Oh yeah, I forgot.”

Ianto shook his head. “Grasshopper mind.”

“I heard that,” Jack called after him.

“You were meant to.”

Jack grinned and headed off back to the garage, while the remaining team settled down to wait for the grand unveiling…

TBC in 'A Practical Guide To Fluff Entertainment'

Tags: fic, fic: one-shot, fic: pg-13, fluff, humour, jack/ianto, nosy-verse, owen harper, team, torchwood fic, toshiko sato

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