Characters: Ryo, mentions Dee
Setting: Vol. 1, Act 2.
Summary: Ryo’s insistent that he’s straight, but how long can he keep lying to himself?
Word Count: 392
Disclaimer: I don’t own FAKE, or the characters. They belong to the wonderful Sanami Matoh.
The first time Dee had kissed him had been bad enough, but at least they’d been alone in the dark, so no one else had seen them. This time it had been in full view of anyone who might be passing, and yes, okay, it had been Dee’s way of hiding them in plain sight, but still… The hoodlums who’d been after them, and more importantly, after Carol, had been completely fooled, but Ryo hadn’t appreciated being called gay. He wasn’t about to let that slide.
“I’m totally straight!”
Deep down though, he knew he was lying. He was a fraud, a fake, telling everyone he was straight, making a big deal out of it, like if he said it loud enough and often enough, it would become true.
He dated women, even slept with them, keeping up the pretence so that he didn’t have to face the truth. But no matter how hard he tried the feelings didn’t go away. Up until now he’d managed to keep up the act, but from the moment he’d met Dee, he knew he was in serious trouble.
Black hair, green eyes, and that wicked smile… Dee was supremely confident in his sexuality, he wasn’t afraid of anything, and why did he have to be so goddamned beautiful? Just being near him was chipping away at Ryo’s defences. He didn’t know how long he could hold his partner at bay when all he wanted to do was just give in.
Every time he felt that urge, he panicked, he couldn’t help it. He was so afraid of what would happen if he stopped fighting, afraid that he would shatter if he admitted the truth, even to himself, so he lived a life of denial. It was like balancing on a razor’s edge; one false move, one slip, and the man he’d worked so hard to become would be gone, and then who would he be? A stranger, lost and adrift, out of control. No, he couldn’t afford to let that happen, he had to stay true to himself; the other Ryo, the one he’d buried so deep inside himself, had to stay hidden, unacknowledged, even if it meant lying to the world for the rest of his life. It was better that way, safer, less complicated.
He just wished he could make himself believe that.