Title: Poor Jack
Warnings: Jack’s talking funny.
Word Count: 941
Summary: Sequel to the drabble Season Of Mists . Jack’s feeling sorry for himself, but Ianto is there to put things right.
Disclaimer: I don’t own Torchwood or the characters, which is sad.
A/N: These are NOT spelling mistakes, Jack is talking funny because of his nose. I’ve tried to write this so people can figure out what Jack is saying from Ianto’s replies, but if anyone is having trouble understanding him, I’ll be happy to translate.
Ianto carefully made his way in the direction of Jack’s muffled groans, hands out in front of him so that he didn’t suffer the same fate. It seemed to take a long time, but it was probably only a few minutes before one hand touched the cold metal of the SUV while the other found something softer and a little less cold; Jack’s coat.
“Ianto, id dat you?” Jack asked plaintively.
“Who else would it be?”
“Ianto, by doze id broke! Id ‘urts!”
“Yes, well it would. Maybe that will teach you not to go striding off through thick fog on a dark night as if it’s broad daylight! Still, at least you found the SUV.”
“By doze foud it,” Jack mumbled disconsolately.
“When I said ‘Follow your nose’, I didn’t expect you to take me literally. Come on. Let’s get in the SUV and I’ll take a look.”
Ianto unlocked the doors and guided Jack into the back seat. With most of the fog shut outside and the interior light on, he could finally see the pitiful expression on Jack’s face. Eyes red and teary, nose red and swollen, and most definitely not in the same position it had been in earlier, he looked a sorry sight. Ianto leaned into the front seat and dug a box of tissues out of the glove compartment, pressing a wad of them beneath Jack’s nose to soak up the blood.
Jack blinked owlishly at him. “Cad you fix be?”
“I’ll have to straighten it or it might stay like that. It’s going to hurt though.”
“Id already ‘urts.”
“Well, it’ll hurt more.”
“Dat’s not veddy comfording!”
“Probably not, but it’s the truth. You’ll need to stay very still.”
“Okay. Will you kid id bedder after?”
“Yes. Now hold onto something. OW! Not my leg!”
Jack quickly let go.
Ianto fought to keep a straight face. ‘This is a serious situation,’ he reminded himself, ‘Jack is in a lot of pain.’ But it was hard not to laugh. The look on Jack’s face quickly sobered him though. His captain had never looked more pathetic.
“You’re forgiven. You might want to close your eyes.”
Jack nodded and squeezed his eyes shut.
Setting broken noses was not something Ianto was particularly experienced at, but Owen had taught all the team basic first aid, so he knew what to do and did what he’d been taught as quickly and carefully as possible.
“OWOWOWOWOW!” yelped Jack, tears springing from his eyes as he tenderly cupped his abused nose in both hands.
“S’okay, id’ll ‘eal sood. Thag you.”
“You’re welcome. You still sound funny.”
“By doze id all zwollen.”
“I know. I don’t have any ice.”
“Still want me to kiss it better?”
“Maybe id a bid.” Jack’s voice was muffled by his hands, still cupped protectively over his nose.
Ianto peered past Jack out of the side window.
“Looks like we’ll have to stay here until the fog clears. What happened to the rift debris we came all the way out here to retrieve?”
“I drobbed id whed I bummed indo the SUV.”
Ianto rummaged around in the glove compartment some more and found a torch. “I’ll go find it.”
“Duddn’t eddyone geep glubs in de glub gompardmend eddy more?”
“Of course they do. There are gloves in there too!” Ianto pulled out a pair of Owen’s latex gloves and a single woollen mitten, waving them in front of Jack. “See?” He tossed them back in, muttering, “I really need to clean that out,” as he dropped back into the back seat. “Be back in a minute.” He pecked Jack on the cheek and reached for the door handle.
“I will. Shouldn’t have to go far.”
In truth it only took a couple of minutes to locate the object Jack had dropped. By the time Ianto got back in the SUV, Jack’s nose looked less swollen and not as red.
“Looks like it’s healing. How does it feel?”
“Bedder I tink.” Jack went cross-eyed, trying to look at his own nose.
“Careful, your eyes might stay like that,” Ianto teased.
Jack laughed and pulled a silly face, then winced as his nose twinged.
Ianto just rolled his eyes and set the alien object between them. “Do we even know what this is?”
“We do!” Jack replied. “Sadly, id’s nod inderesting.”
“So what is it?”
“Alien can-obener,” Jack sighed.
“We came all the way out here for an alien can-opener?”
Jack nodded. “’Fraid so.”
“And now we’re stuck here because of the fog.” Ianto sounded disgusted.
“Yeah. And I got my dose broke! Don’ forged that.”
“As if I could. The swelling’s going down, you’re starting to sound more like yourself.”
Jack cautiously prodded his nose. “Nod as sore.”
“Shall I kiss it better now?” Ianto asked teasingly.
Ianto leaned over and softly kissed Jack’s poor nose. “Better?”
“You know,” Ianto kissed Jack’s nose again, “maybe being stuck out here for a while won’t be so bad.”
“I’b sure we can find somethig to occupy us,” Jack agreed, returning the favour by placing a kiss on Ianto’s cute nose.
“I can think of a few things.”
“Is dat right?”
“Oh yeah. Just you and me, in this car, for as long as it takes,” Ianto smirked.
Jack grinned. “I like de sound of dat.”
“Thought you might.”
Jack grinned and pulled Ianto close, kissing him thoroughly.
Before long, the windows were so steamed up they couldn’t have seen the fog outside even if they were looking, but by then of course, they were much too busy to even notice.