Ianto Little Smile

March 2023


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Dee & Ryo

FAKE Ficlet: Fearful Desires

Title: Fearful Desires

Fandom: FAKE

Author: badly_knitted

Characters: Ryo, mentions Dee

Rating: PG

Setting: Just before Vol. 7.

Summary: Ryo is afraid of giving in to his feelings for Dee.

Word Count: 452

Written For: My own prompt ‘FAKE, Ryo Maclean, Fear of his own desires,’ at [community profile] fic_promptly.

Disclaimer: I don’t own FAKE, or the characters. They belong to the wonderful Sanami Matoh.

Ryo doesn’t want to admit it, not even to himself, but he wants Dee. The man is insufferable and infuriating, always pouncing, pawing, groping and kissing, and Ryo probably shouldn’t let him get away with it as much as he does, but…

Truth is if he really didn’t want Dee to do all those things, Ryo could stop him. He’s not defenceless; he knows how to fight. Hell, he knows karate, which Dee doesn’t. The fact that Dee is taller and heavier than Ryo is immaterial; Dee isn’t going to force himself on Ryo, despite the way he sometimes behaves. If Ryo says no and really means it, he knows Dee will stop. He’s just challenging him, pushing him a little beyond his comfort zone each time, testing his limits.

But Ryo’s afraid.

He’s never felt this way with any woman, not that he’s been with all that many. He’s been attracted to men for as long as he can remember, it’s just always seemed easier, safer, to deny that desire, push it back down out of sight and not think about it. Until he met Dee, that was fairly easy to do. No one else knew he had those feelings. Trouble is, Dee seems to have some kind of sixth sense. It’s like he knows Ryo is attracted to him and is determined to make him admit it. Now Ryo’s struggling to keep up the pretence of being straight even as Dee chips away at the very foundations of his painstakingly crafted fake self-image. He’s never felt so exposed in his life. Everything was so much simpler before they met.

Why does Dee have to make everything so difficult? Why is he so bound and determined to make Ryo admit his deeply buried desires? Why can’t he just leave Ryo alone?

Except, that’s not what Ryo wants either. Maybe what he really wants is just to not be afraid of admitting who and what he is. Maybe if he could just stop being afraid of his own desires, he could accept what Dee’s offering, and maybe then he could find some peace.

There are just too many maybes for comfort, too much uncertainty and too much self-doubt. Ryo doesn’t want to make a mistake that could wreck his life, but what if the mistake he’s making is in resisting Dee’s advances? How long will Dee wait for him to stop being afraid, and what might he lose if he waits too long? Is fear of the unknown a good enough reason to risk losing what could be his one chance of happiness? Ryo doesn’t know, but maybe that’s a question he needs to find an answer to. Before it’s too late.

The End


*hugs Ryo* The process of self discovery is rarely a quick or easy one.
Ryo is finding that out. It's hard to let go of everything he's built his life around, no matter how fake it was. He feels adrift now, but if Ryo lets him, Dee will provide an anchor.

Thank you!
Now it's time for Ryo to stop thinking and start feeling. Without risk, life would so boring, man.

Another great insight of Ryo's tortured psyche. :D
Ryo does tend to overthink things. If he just stopped thinking so hard he'd be a lot happier.

Thank you!