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Ianto Little Smile

August 2019



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JB Weird

Fic: The Honey Monster - A Nosy Ficlet


Title: The Honey Monster

Author: badly_knitted

Characters/Pairings: Ianto/Jack, Tosh, Nosy, mentions Owen
Word Count: 701

Rating: G

Warnings/Spoilers: None

Summary: Nosy sticks its nose where it shouldn’t. Again.

Disclaimer: I don’t own Torchwood, or any of the characters except Nosy.

A/N: Happy Birthday, cjharknessgirl


“Yuk! Nosy!” Ianto cried out as Nosy slithered up and prodded his bare arm with its nose in greeting. He’d just come into the Hub from the garage, where he’d been cleaning the SUV, so instead of his usual smart suit he was wearing jeans and a sleeveless t-shirt – which was probably a good thing under the circumstances!


“What on earth have you been up to?” He checked Nosy’s snout, which was covered in a sticky substance.


Nosy just looked at him innocently.


“Jack…” he called up to Jack’s office.




“What the hell have you been feeding Nosy?”


“Nothing. Why?”


“It's disconcertingly sticky,” Ianto grumbled, trying to fend off Nosy's very sticky snout.


“Sorry, Ianto, it's my fault,” Tosh admitted, hurrying over with a damp cloth. “I was making myself some sweet tea, I just turned away for a second and when I turned back, Nosy had its nose in the honey jar. I had to prise it off.”


“Hummm,” agreed Nosy, trying to lick the sweet stickiness off its snout, but not getting far because its tongue was too short to reach.


“I was hoping I could clean Nosy up before anyone noticed,” she added, attempting to wipe the honey off and quickly realising it wasn’t working. There was a lot of honey and the short fur of Nosy’s snout was sticking together in spiky little clumps. “I think I’m going to need soap.”


“Baby shampoo might be better,” Ianto suggested, “then it won’t hurt if any gets in Nosy’s eyes. There’s some under the kitchen sink, Owen uses it on his rats. Come on, you,” he added to Nosy, “let’s get you cleaned up.”


Nosy slunk along with them to the kitchen, carefully keeping its head off the ground so it didn’t leave a sticky residue on anything.


Tosh fetched towels while Ianto filled a bowl with warm water and set it on the floor, kneeling down beside it. Tosh sat on the other side with Nosy between them. Jack had come down from his office and now leant on the wall to watch.


“Right,” Ianto said jokingly to Nosy, “stick your nose in that,” and he pointed at the bowl of water. Nosy slunk forward a few inches and obligingly did so, much to Ianto’s surprise and Jack’s amusement.


“Got it well trained, haven’t you!”


“Not well enough to keep it from sticking its nose in open jars, apparently,” Ianto replied ruefully.


“Good thing it wasn’t Owen’s jar of mustard!” laughed Jack.


Tosh carefully splashed water over Nosy’s snout to get it thoroughly wet and Ianto rubbed shampoo all over the sticky areas, working up a nice lather. Nosy snorted as some of the lather went in its nostrils, sending a few soapy bubbles floating up into the air where they burst, but other than that it stayed quite still and let them get it clean.


A quick rinse, a second lot of shampoo and a much more thorough rinsing later Nosy was no longer sticky, just a bit soggy, which was easily fixed. Tosh set about drying it with a towel while Ianto cleared up.


“I think in future I’ll buy my honey in those squeezy tubes, they’ll probably be safer with Nosy around.”


Jack perked up at that. “I know a lot of uses for honey in tubes,” he smirked.


Ianto rolled his eyes. “I’d stay with jars if I were you,” he told Tosh. “If you buy tubes, Jack will just steal them.”


“Spoilsport,” Jack grumbled, pouting.


Tosh finished drying Nosy and set the towel aside. “There, all done. Just keep your nose out of open jars in future.”


Nosy hummed apologetically and slithered away. ‘Probably off to find something else to stick its nose in,’ Ianto thought wryly. “We can’t blame Nosy for being curious,” he sighed. “We’ll just have to be more careful about what we leave lying around in future. First Mickey’s coffee, now your honey… Who knows what it’ll get into next?”


Jack straightened up, looking worried.


“Now what?” Ianto asked.


“I think I left my biscuit tin open,” Jack replied, and he dashed away towards his office, desperate to protect his chocolate Hob Nobs from the thieving alien fluff.


The End




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Haha! I bet Nosy won that race, leaving Jack with a few soggy crumbs. Poor Jack.
Well, I don't know... depends which way Nosy went after leaving the kitchen, it might not have gone up to Jacks office at all and it didn't know there was an unattended biscuit tin, so maybe Jack saved his Hob Nobs, lol!

Thank you, glad you liked it!
Lol! That's one threesome the boys definitely don't want! There are just some places a certain nose should NEVER be!

Thank you. Glad you liked it =)
So cute and sweet!!!
Loved it!!!
Thank you, Ani! *hugs*

Aww love the idea of nosy covered in honey and Ianto too if my guess about Jack is right!!
I often wonder where the idea that Jack likes HObnobs comes from. I've written it in my stories but I've no idea.
Lovely story but keep nosy away from the mustard!!
I think mustard might cure Nosy of its liking for sticking its nose in open jsrs, lol!

I don't know where the Hob Nob idea comes from either - but they're a very British biscuit and a lot of people like them, so maybe it's just fans having Jack like what THEY like. I see Jack as a Chocolate Hob Nob person, perhaps because I can't eat the chocolate ones. I needed a biscuit and they seemed Jack-ish, so I used them. I can't see him rushing to save the Malted Milk or Rich Tea biscuits, lol!

Nosy has discovered it likes honey but doesn't care for being all sticky, it was glad to get the stuff washed off.

Thank you, I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Aww. Lol. Go Nosy and getting all messy. Ha hopefully it got Jacks hobnobs. Yeah just feeling evil.

Great job.
Poor Jack! HobNobless! I honestly don't know if Nosy went after Jack's HobNobs or not. If I ever find out, I'll let people know, lol!

Nosy has decided it doesn't like being sticky!

Thank you, glad you liked it!
Ha, ha! Talk about sticking one's nose where it doesn't belong! I guess with a name "Nosy", it was probably inevitable something like this would happen. :-p

I have a cat that does this--he will literally stick his face into every container he can reach and sample what's there. Getting a snootful of spicy mustard one time hasn't dissuaded him in the least. It probably won't deter Nosy either so Owen better keep his locked up!

<3<3 Nosy. :)
Thank you! Nosy investigates everything with its nose, it doesn't have any other choice, so I think we can expect it to continue poking its nose where it doesn't belong!

We had a cat like that once - actually, she was a thief. Not content with licking the jam out of the jam tart I'd made at school (I turned and found her with her head in my cookery basket!), she went into someone's kitchen and stole their dinner right off their plate! Nosy's not that bad though, it's just curious and it doesn't mean to steal.

Glad you liked it!
Thank you for a dose of Nosey on a Monday. I'm glad he wasn't stuck like Pooh!
Owen uses baby shampoo on the rats..he is such a tender soul.

I hope your day went well.
Yeah, Owen is a big softy at heart!

Luckily Tosh was able to pull the jar off so Nosy wasn't stuck long, he was much better off than Pooh!

Not had a good day really, but I've managed to get my posting and cross-posting done despite feeling like crap. Probably have to cancel tomorrow's appointments though.

Thank you =)
Ah, no better way to start the week than with a dose of Nosy! :D
Thank you, I wish I could write one every week but then I'd never get anything else done!

Glad you enjoyed it!
Hurray! It's a better Monday with a little Nosy in it. *grins*

I really do hope Jack made it to the Hob Nobs in time. Honey on top of refined sugar and chocolate...there might be an alien zooming around the Hub again, this time on a sugar high! LOL!

OH NOES! Can't have that! ;)

I don't know if Jack reached the Hob Nobs first, but I don't think Nosy knew about the open biscuit tin... Did anyone happen to notice which way Nosy went after leaving the kitchen? No? Pity.

Thank you, glad Nosy could make Monday a little brighter!
hahaha I love this verse so much and Nosy is .... Nosy, of course she is curious .... umm is a she or he?

Owen says Nosy is neither male nor female, so it's an it! Maybe one day it will decide to become one or the other, but it's the only one of its kind on earth, so for now it doesn't really matter!

Nosy finds everything in its new home fascinating, so it likes to investigate. It's very happy when it finds something that is not only interesting but also very tasty! But it's not so happy when it gets all sticky, lol!

Thank you *hugs* glad you liked this little bit of fluff!
Sweet as honey! I love Nosy - I wondered if you had knitted one?
I guess to explain hobnobs to an American - it is like a Graham cracker with added oats and a layer of chocolate.
Sort of cold S'mores without the marshmallow. You can get them without the chocolate, but that is just too much self denial.
American biscuits are the same recipe as British scones but without the sugar and taste good with gravy. (really!)
Thank you - Glad you liked it! Nosy is sweet, but prefers not to be sticky.

No, I've never knitted a Nosy, I'd need extremely fluffy yarn and I've never seen any that would work.I can't draw either, though I wish I could!

I eat HobNobs without chocolate, I have to as chocolate gives me migraines =(

Aww Sweet!

Nosy is just like Teddy, he always has to try everything. It's a good thing it wasn't anything really hot temperature-wise or poor Nosy would have had quite a surprise.

Re: Aww Sweet!

Lol! I think Nosy may be immune to heat - he did drink Mickey's hot coffee a while back, with no apparent harm!

Some creatures are just born curious and simply have to investigate everything. Nosy now knows that honey tastes very good, but it's best not to stick one's nose in the jar as it's difficult to get it out of one's fur without help. Next time it'll wait to be given honey instead of helping itself!

Thank you, glad you liked it!
This is such a cute verse. Love reading this .
Thank you! When it comes to Nosy, it's impossible not to write cuteness! Glad you enjoyed it!
I managed to read this sneakily at work earlier, but didn't get a chance to comment.
It brightened up my day :-) I love Nosy verse!
I hope Jack saved his biscuits. Chocolate hobnobs are gooood - especially when dunked in tea!
The mustard might deter Nosy from sticking his nose where it doesnt belong. We used to have a cat that used to try and steal food all the time. One time I was fed up of telling him not to so I let him take a bite out of my sandwich. It had tabasco sauce in. He never did it again! (Don't worry - I gave him a drink of milk right after to take the burn away - I'm not that mean!)
Thank you =) Glad it brightened your day!

I don't know yet if Jack saved his HobNobs! It depends on which way Nosy went after it left the kitchen. Maybe I'll write that story another time.

When I was at grammar school, our cat licked half the jam out of the jam tart I'd made in cookery class - I didn't knoew whether to tell my parents when they got home or if I should just try to spread the remaining jam out a bit... I ended up telling mum, but I hated that I'd worked so hard to make the tart and never got to try it!
*snorts loudly*

Lol! Thank you. Jack is doing his best to save his biscuits!
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