badly_knitted (badly_knitted) wrote,

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FAKE Fic: Lost, Stolen, Or Strayed

Title: Lost, Stolen, Or Strayed

Fandom: FAKE

Author: badly_knitted

Characters: Dee, Ryo, JJ, Drake

Rating: PG

Setting: Probably after Vol. 7.

Summary: It’s nearly Christmas and JJ has lost something important. To him, at least.

Word Count: 913

Written For: [personal profile] jujitsuelf’s prompt ‘Any - any - 'does anyone know where I left my piglet?',’ at [community profile] fic_promptly.

Disclaimer: I don’t own FAKE, or the characters. They belong to the wonderful Sanami Matoh.

A/N: Inspired by the sadly defunct FAKE roleplay at fake_2nd_chance

Christmas was approaching and the detectives of the 27th Precinct’s Serious Crimes Squad were in a less than cheerful mood. Ever since the first day of the month, tacky decorations had started to appear. Every day there were more, as if a demented Christmas fairy was sneaking in every night to make their lives even more miserable. Tinsel, paper chains, baubles, a Christmas village, three Nativity scenes, four trees of various sizes festooned with more decorations than you could count… It had got to the point where, no matter which way you looked, you were confronted by laughing Santas, creepily leering reindeer and snowmen that were starting to look positively evil.

Naturally, it was all the work of one man, their very own Christmas Elf.

“JJ, get this freakin’ fake snow off my desk!” Dee roared.

“But it’s festive! Where’s your Christmas spirit, Mr Studly?”

“You killed it! And don’t call me that!”

“Sure thing, Mr Wonderful!” You could practically see the stars shining in JJ’s eyes. Or maybe that was just the reflection from all the blinking fairy lights.

JJ bounced away, the bobble of his Santa hat bobbing merrily as he sang along to the carols playing on a hidden CD player. Dee vowed that if he found it, it was going straight out the window, along with all JJs Christmas CDs.

“What about the snow?” Dee yelled after him.

“You’re welcome!”

“Argh! Why me?” Dee slumped into his chair and started trying to clear the snow and glitter off his desk, scraping it together using some of his unfinished paperwork and then scooping it into the trash bin. Could the day get any worse?

Ten minutes later, Dee breathed a sigh of relief and grabbed up his and Ryo’s coats. “C’mon, partner, we have a crime scene to visit. Just got a report of a body in an alley.”

Ryo took his coat and shrugged it on as he followed Dee down to their car.


When they got back a couple of hours later, JJ was wandering around, looking lost. Dee ignored him and strode to his desk, sweeping the new batch of decorations straight into the bin and firing up his computer.

“Are you okay, JJ?” Ryo asked, concerned.

“Hmm? Oh, yeah, I’m fine,” JJ answered distractedly.

“Something’s up with JJ,” Ryo told Dee as he settled at his own desk facing his partner.

“Probably trying to decide what to decorate next. I’m not sure it’s safe to sit still for too long, we might wind up wrapped in tinsel with baubles hanging from our ears.”

Ryo chuckled at the thought. “Don’t be too hard on JJ, he just really likes Christmas.”

“He likes anything that’s tacky and tasteless,” Dee grumbled, turning his attention to the hated chore of paperwork. Almost anything was better than having to look at his surroundings.

When the Christmas music abruptly stopped, Dee looked up from his idle doodling in surprise. He’d almost forgotten what peace and quiet sounded like.

“Listen up, everybody.” JJ’s voice broke into the blissful silence and Dee groaned.

“What now?”

“Does anyone happen to know where I left my Piglet? I can’t find him and I’ve looked everywhere!”

“Your what?” Dee poked a finger in his ear and wiggled it around. There had to be something wrong with his hearing. Probably all the cheesy music was making him go deaf.

“My Piglet. I left him on my desk and now he’s gone.” JJ looked woebegone.

“You brought a pig to work?” Dee was honestly baffled.

“Not a pig; Piglet! You know, from Winnie the Pooh? It’s the special Christmas edition plushie, they all have little Santa hats and their noses light up. I wanted to get the whole set but the others are sold out at the moment. Piglet was the last one the Disney shop had until the new stock arrives; I only got him this morning and now I can’t find him.”

“A Christmas decoration, I should’ve known.”

“Sorry, JJ, I haven’t seen it,” Ryo told him. “We were out at a crime scene most of the morning. I’m sure it will turn up though.”

“Hopefully not until after Christmas,” Dee muttered. Ryo heard, but ignored him. Raising his voice, Dee addressed JJ. “No one’s seen your Piglet. Don’t you have work to do? And I don’t mean putting up more decorations. There’s too many already.”

“How can I work when Piglet is lost?”

“You’re an adult, not a five-year-old.”

“You have no heart!” JJ glared accusingly at Dee and stomped off.

“What’s with JJ?” Drake asked. He’d just walked in from lunch and had only caught the end of the conversation.

“Something about a missing Christmas toy, a piglet with a Santa hat,” Ryo explained.


“You know something about it?”

“Yeah, I spilled coffee on it. It’s in the locker room, drying by the radiator. I think I got most of the coffee out.”

“JJ will be relieved, he’s been really worried.”

“Better go tell him, he’s acting like someone killed his puppy.” Dee leant back in his seat. “Then we might get some peace around here.”

Drake nodded and hurried after JJ.

“Another crime solved by the valiant detectives of the 27th Precinct,” Ryo said with a smile.

Dee grinned back. “Yep! The case of the Purloined Piglet.” He looked over to the doorway as JJ re-entered the squad room, clutching the plushie and beaming at Drake. “Don’t you just love a happy ending?”

The End

Tags: dee laytner, drake parker, fake, fake fic, fic, fic: one-shot, fic: pg, fic_promptly, jj adams, ryo maclean

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