Title: Traffic Jammed
Characters: Ianto, Jack
Summary: Some people don’t cope well with being stuck in traffic.
Word Count: 500
Written For: Prompt #408: Traffic at slashthedrabble.
Disclaimer: I don’t own Torchwood, or the characters. They belong to the BBC.
“No, Jack, you can’t drive on the pavements to get around the traffic jam!” Ianto forestalled Jack before he could steer up over the kerb.
“Why not?” Jack was practically seething with impatience.
“Because the pavements are where the people walk,” Ianto patiently explained, “and it’s considered bad manners to run them over.”
“Stupid rules,” Jack muttered. “They’ve got legs, they can jump out the way!”
Ianto hid his smile; a frustrated Jack could be highly amusing. “Besides, the SUV’s too wide for most pavements, the lamp posts and road signs would get in the way,” he continued reasonably. “That’s why the roads are wider, so cars can fit.”
“That lorry didn’t fit.”
That was true, and it was the massive articulated lorry trying to traverse a road not designed for such a huge vehicle that had caused the traffic jam in the first place. Police were trying to help the driver negotiate the tight corner it had got stuck on, because there was no way the truck could reverse, but it was a slow process and nobody was going anywhere until the road was clear again.
“Contrary to popular belief, SatNavs do not know everything,” Ianto said wryly. “Just relax; the police are doing their best.”
“It would be faster if they got an acetylene torch, cut up the damned truck, and moved it in pieces!”
Ianto snorted. “Yes, because blowing it up would clear the road. Unfortunately, it would leave a crater and burning buildings.”
“I didn’t say anything about blowing it up!”
“It’s carrying a flammable load.”
Silence from Jack, followed by a subdued, “Oh.”
“I can see the stickers from here.” Ianto stuck his head out the passenger window and sighted down the long line of cars ahead of them to the truck in the intersection. “They’ve managed to move a couple of parked cars, so that should help.”
“Shouldn’t they be diverting traffic?”
“I’m sure they are, but this is a one-way system and there aren’t any convenient side roads.”
“Stupid one-way system.” Jack folded his arms across his chest, a mutinous expression on his face. “We’re in an official emergency response vehicle, someone should be flagging us through!”
Ianto rolled his eyes. “We’re going to pick up the dry cleaning, that’s hardly an emergency.”
“The police don’t know that.”
“If we were responding to an emergency, the blue lights would be flashing. And no, you’re not turning them on now.” Ianto slapped Jack’s hand away from the switch, earning a pout.
“This isn’t how I’d planned to spend our afternoon off, you know. ‘We’ll run a few errands and go home early,’ that’s what you said.”
“I’m not responsible for unforeseen events,” Ianto reminded Jack.
“You’re supposed to know everything!”
“Oddly enough, that doesn’t include things that haven’t happened yet. I can’t see into the future. Patience is a virtue, Jack. It wouldn’t kill you to try it.”
“Wanna have sex while we wait?”
“You’re no fun.”
Ianto winked. “I will be later.”