Characters: Ryo, Dee, Bikky.
Setting: Throughout the manga, and after Vol. 7.
Summary: Ryo used to have everything in his life under control.
Word Count: 710
Content Notes: None necessary.
Written For: Challenge 37: Control at beattheblackdog.
Disclaimer: I don’t own FAKE, or the characters. They belong to the wonderful Sanami Matoh.
Ryo has always liked to feel that he’s in control; not so much over other people, although he’s well able to take charge when necessary, but at least over his life, and most particularly, over his own body.
While his parents were still alive, he’d been quite happy to let them guide and advise him, but after they’d been killed he’d had to start making his own decisions about his life and his future. His aunt and uncle had been there for him, and still were, it was just that he hadn’t wanted to burden them any more than necessary; they’d had their own lives after all.
Fortunately, his newfound independence had turned out to suit him in many ways; he got to pick a career without anyone else telling him what he should or shouldn’t do, and could decide where and how he wanted to live without anyone looking over his shoulder, making him doubt his choices. His parents had taught him well as he grew up so although in some ways he’d felt as if he’d been pushed in at the deep end when he lost them, at the same time he’d realised he already knew most of what he needed to in order to cope with life on his own. He missed his mom and dad all the time, but growing up and leaving home hadn’t been as scary as he’d expected it to be.
He’d applied to the police academy, worked part-time to help pay his way because he hadn’t wanted to spend all his inheritance when he might need it later in life, and after he graduated and joined the force, he’d immediately set his sights on becoming a detective. As time passed, he’d succeeded in everything he’d set out to do, it was only after he’d been promoted to detective and assigned to the 27th precinct that control over his life and everything in it had started to slip away from him. It had been a bit like driving down a hill and suddenly finding your brakes don’t work; all he could do was hang on tight and hope for the best.
First there’d been Bikky, an orphan in need of a home, and on a most uncharacteristic impulse, Ryo had decided to take the boy in himself. What had he been thinking? He knew nothing about raising a child and yet he hadn’t hesitated. One look in Bikky’s big blue eyes and he’d felt compelled to turn his own carefully-ordered life upside down by becoming a single father to a half-grown boy. It was insane! How he was going to juggle fatherhood with a new and very demanding job, he’d had no idea.
Then there’d been Dee, whose very presence in Ryo’s life threw him off balance. While Dee wasn’t the first man Ryo had felt the stirrings of attraction towards, he’d been the first one who’d ever come on to him, and after the first night when they’d shared a bed with Bikky sleeping between them, he’d done it in a way that couldn’t be misunderstood. Kisses, touches, blatant innuendo… it was scary how easily Dee could strip away Ryo’s sense of being in control any time they were alone together.
Now at long last they’ve become lovers, and Ryo is starting to wonder if he has even the illusion of control left. He certainly can’t control the way his body reacts to Dee; it’s unsettling that his partner has such control over him, making him feel things he’s never even imagined before, let alone experienced.
Sex with Dee is the ultimate loss of control, which explains why Ryo is still so skittish about it. Every time they do it, he scares himself; he can’t hold back, and Dee won’t let him anyway. The intensity of the sensations racing through his body with every touch, every kiss or caress, makes him giddy. Sometimes he wants to beg Dee to stop, tell his lover he can’t stand it, but at the same time he never wants it to end.
Ryo used to have almost complete control over every aspect of his life, but now he seems to have hardly any at all. It should probably worry him a lot more than it does.