badly_knitted (badly_knitted) wrote,

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Fic: Gone Batty

Title: Gone Batty
Author: badly_knitted
Characters: Jack, Ianto, OMC
Rating: PG
Spoilers: Nada.
Summary: Halloween takes a turn for the weird when Ianto becomes the victim of an unfortunate accident.
Word Count: 1319
Written For: My own prompt ‘Torchwood, Jack/Ianto, Ianto goes a bit... batty after getting turned into a bat,’ at [community profile] fic_promptly.
Disclaimer: I don’t own Torchwood, or the characters. They belong to the BBC.

Jack Harkness loved Halloween; there’d never been anything even remotely like it on the Boeshane Peninsula. It meant he could dress up in outrageous costumes and scare people with impunity, then overindulge himself on sweets.

This year, he’d dressed up as a wizard, and Ianto was dressed as a very sexy bat in black leather pants, black boots, black mask, and a very nice silky black shirt, which had wings that spread out from his sides when he raised his arms. Jack was all hot and bothered at first sight. He’d been looking forward to a very enjoyable night until things went a little pear-shaped. Now he was starting to think that the costumes he’d bought hadn’t been as much of bargain as they’d seemed.

The shop he’d got them from had guaranteed every costume was hand made and one of a kind. The bat costume was only the shirt and mask, the trousers and boots were Ianto’s own, but Jack’s wizard outfit included the robe, a tall pointy hat with long hair attached, and a magic wand.

They’d been crossing the Plas on their way to a Halloween party in one of the nearby bars when Jack had playfully waved his wand at Ianto; unfortunately, it hadn’t been one of his better ideas. There’d been a flash of light, a puff of smoke, and where sexy-bat Ianto had been there now fluttered a very annoyed looking bat.

“Oops!” Jack looked at the wand in his hand, then back at the bat. “That wasn’t supposed to happen.”

The bat squeaked irately and flew at Jack, battering him around the head with its wings.

“Okay, I’m sorry! It was an accident! I’ll change you back!”

The bat fluttered away and hung upside down from a nearby street sign, glaring at him.

Jack smiled winningly. “You make a very handsome bat you know.”

Ianto-bat bared his sharp little teeth and flapped his wings, squeaking a warning.

“Alright, alright, no need to fly off the handle, or the sign as the case may be. Oh, um, actually maybe you should. I don’t want to turn you back and have you drop on your head.”

Jack had never seen a bat roll its eyes before. Nevertheless, Ianto took off and fluttered in front on Jack once more, looking impatient as Jack raised the wand again and waved it at the bat formerly known as Ianto Jones.

Nothing happened.

There was no flash of light, no puff of smoke, and Ianto remained resolutely a bat.

“Squeak squeak squeak!”

He appeared to be in a distinctly bad mood.

“Look, I don’t know how I turned you into a bat in the first place. Turning you back might take me a while, just try to be patient.” Turning the wand the other way around, Jack tried again.

Still nothing.

With a resigned if squeaky sigh, the bat fluttered to the ground and lay there, wings spread-eagled… spread-batted? on the ground. It didn’t look happy. Jack sank down beside it on the cold concrete.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t do it on purpose.”


“Come on, maybe I can find the guy who sold me the costumes. He’s got to be behind this somehow.” Jack scooped up Ianto-bat, who felt rather cold, and scrambled to his feet. Tucking his batty boyfriend inside his robe where he’d be warmer, Jack set off towards the small shop, hidden away in a back alley, where he’d bought their suspect outfits.

“Sorry, I’m closed,” a voice called out from the back of the shop as Jack entered.

He headed in the direction of the voice, and when he found its owner, grabbed the hapless little man by the front of his shirt, lifted him off the ground, and slammed him against the wall. “Where the hell did you get these costumes?” he demanded.

The man gulped audibly. “I made them! I’m a tailor by trade, made the Halloween costumes in my spare time for fun. Don’t you like yours? You look really good in it…”

“If you made them, then explain what you did to my boyfriend!” Jack bellowed, getting right in the man’s face,

“Your boyfriend? I don’t understand! Um, would you mind putting me down please? I really don’t like heights.”

Jack lowered the man back to the floor and opened his robe, letting Ianto flutter out, squeaking agitatedly. “I bought him the bat costume and now look at him!”

The man looked. “Oh dear. However did that happen?”

“I don’t know! I waved my wand at him and poof, he was a bat!”

“Wand? What wand? There wasn’t a wand with the wizard costume, there was a staff!”

“This wand!” Jack slid the wand out of his sleeve and brandished it.

“Oh my! I wondered where that had gone; I’ve been looking for it everywhere. Please, put it down on the table there. Carefully if you don’t mind.”

“Why?” Jack glared suspiciously at the little man.

“It’s not a wand, it’s my transducer. My name is Milo Desgenny; I used to be an inventor. I created the device you’re holding, but when my people wanted to use it as a weapon, I stole it, fled my home planet and came here. In the wrong hands, the transducer can be very dangerous. It can change anything into anything else, but I only use it to make the fabrics I need for my business. When you got hold of it, you must have accidentally changed the settings.”

Jack set the transducer carefully on the nearby table and backed away. Ianto fluttered over to him and clung to the front of his robe, squeaking worriedly.

Milo the tailor put on a pair of spectacles and studied the slim rod closely. “Aha, yes, I see what’s happened.”

“Can you change Ianto back into Ianto?”

“Certainly. If you’d put him down over there.” Milo gestured at a clear patch of floor.

Jack did as he was told and stepped back. After making some adjustments to the transducer with a set of tiny tools, Milo aimed it at Ianto and waved it.

With a flash of light, but without the smoke this time, the bat disappeared and Ianto, in bat costume, stood in its place. He was shivering. Jack hurried over to him and wrapped his heavy wizard’s robe around him.

“Oh, thank God! I thought I was going to freeze to death as a bat! I don’t think bats do too well in the cold. Don’t they usually hibernate?”

“Mmmm, I think so. Are you okay?”

“Much better now.”

“That’s good.”

“I’m very sorry, I can’t imagine how you managed to get the transducer instead of the wizard’s staff. I can only think that it must have fallen into your bag by accident.”

”Well, no permanent harm done,” Jack replied hugging Ianto close in an effort to warm him up.

“Here, take this as a gift to make up for your unfortunate ordeal.” Milo held out a black vampire cloak to Ianto. “It will keep you warm on your way to wherever you were going. May I say, you both really do look splendid in your costumes.”

“We do, don’t we?” Ianto agreed, accepting the cloak. “Thank you.”

“Any time. I hope this little incident won’t prevent you from shopping at my establishment in future?”

“I’m sure it won’t.” Ianto draped his new cloak around himself and winked at Jack. “Now I’m a vampire bat!”

“Come on, batty, we’re going to be late for the party. Let’s go show off our outfits.” Jack took the wizard’s staff Milo held out to him, thanked the little alien then held the door open for Ianto.

The evening might not have got off to the best start, but now it was time to party! Even having his boyfriend temporarily turned into a bat wasn’t going to prevent Jack Harkness from getting the most out of his Halloween!

The End

Tags: fic, fic: one-shot, fic: pg, fic_promptly, ianto jones, jack harkness, jack/ianto, other character/s, torchwood fic

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