badly_knitted (badly_knitted) wrote,

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Fic: Hey Alarm Clock!

Title: Hey Alarm Clock!
Author: badly_knitted
Characters: Ianto, Jack
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: Nada
Summary: Ianto’s having a few problems with his new alarm clock; it seems to be faulty.
Word Count: 1461
Written For: m_findlow’s prompt ‘Any, any, "I'm going to shoot that alarm clock”,’ at [community profile] fic_promptly.
Disclaimer: I don’t own Torchwood, or the characters. They belong to the BBC

Ianto was dragged out of a deep sleep by his alarm clock going off. Blearily he reached for it, fumbling blindly until he managed to find it and turn it off, then stumbling from his warm and comfy bed to make his way into the bathroom.

A shower helped to bring him to some degree of wakefulness but he still felt done in, as if he’d barely slept at all. Shambling back into his bedroom to dress, it belatedly occurred to him that it was rather dark out considering the time. Frowning, he looked at his clock, which he’d set the previous night to wake him at six-thirty; the luminous dial indicated that it was one fifteen in the morning.

“What the hell? I didn’t get to bed until midnight!” Groaning, Ianto reset the clock, crawled back into his bed and fell asleep again.

When he next awoke, his bedroom was bright as day and someone was shaking his shoulder.

“Ianto? Ianto, are you okay?”

“Whu?” It wasn’t a particularly intelligent comment, but it was the best he could manage under the circumstances. He rubbed his eyes, stretched and yawned, and blinked up at his unexpected visitor. “Jack? Whassup?”

“Not you, apparently.”

“Huh?” He blinked back at Jack, trying to get his brain in gear.

“When you didn’t show up at work I got worried. It’s after nine.”

That woke Ianto up. “WHAT?” He sat up abruptly, snatched up his alarm clock and stared at it. It was set for six-thirty, just like it should have been. “Damn, I must have slept right though my alarm. Sorry.”

“Well, after the last few days that’s hardly surprising. We were all tired, and you were clearing up after all of us as well as taking your share of Rift alerts. You must have needed the sleep. No harm done, it’s been quiet this morning so far anyway.”

“That’s hardly the point though, is it? I’m never late. Just let me get dressed and I’ll go back to the Hub with you. I imagine everyone’s complaining about the lack of coffee by now. And by ‘everyone’ I really mean Owen.”

“I believe there have been some uncomplimentary mutterings from Owen’s domain,” Jack agreed, watching as Ianto started to dress in the clothes he’d set out the night before. “You’re not going to shower and shave first?”

“I already did that sometime in the middle of the night. I must have made a mistake when I set my alarm clock last night. It went off at one and I thought it was morning so I’d showered before I noticed how dark it still was.”

Jack snorted, amused. “Oops.”

“Yeah.” Ianto smiled wryly. “That’s what I get for trying to set my alarm while half asleep after working two days straight.” Ianto quickly finished dressing and followed Jack out to the SUV.


The rest of the day went smoothly and for once everyone got to leave at a decent time. Jack treated Ianto to dinner out and then they headed over to Ianto’s flat and went to bed early, though not to sleep. Inevitably of course, they did both fall asleep after wearing each other out, only to be woken by a strident ringing. Jack fumbled for his phone and held it to his ear.

“Hello?” he asked sleepily. There was no reply and the ringing continued.

Beside him, Ianto sat up, picking up his alarm clock and glaring at it. The glowing dial read two-seventeen, despite the fact that it was supposedly set for six-thirty. He punched the button on the top and the ringing stopped. “Bloody alarm clock!” Ianto gave it a good shake, reset it for the correct time, and thumped the offending article back down on the bedside cabinet before flopping back on his pillow. “What did I do to deserve this?”

“It probably got altered when I knocked it over earlier,” Jack said with a sheepish grin. “I should’ve thought to check, but I was a bit busy at the time.”

Ianto grinned sleepily back at him. “I did wonder what that thud was, but you had your tongue up my arse and it sort of slipped my mind.”

“Hmmm, good times,” Jack agreed, snuggling back down beside him. “We should probably get some sleep though. Got to get up in four hours.”

Ianto’s only reply to that was a soft snore.


Come morning, the alarm clock dutifully went off at seven-thirty.

“Bugger,” Ianto commented mildly.


“I set the bloody alarm wrong again, we’re an hour late. This is getting to be a bad habit.”

“Understandable. Who can see straight in the middle of the night? That clock doesn’t even have numbers, you were probably holding it at an angle when you set it.”

“Probably,” Ianto agreed. “Come on, we’d better get a move on or Owen will be a pain in the arse all day again.”

They hurried through their morning routine, foregoing coffee until they reached the Hub, and pushing the temperamental alarm clock to the back of their minds.


That night, Ianto double- and even triple-checked his alarm clock, making absolutely certain that it was set correctly for six-thirty the following morning and was where Jack’s flailing in the heat of passion was unlikely to knock it over. That sorted, he and Jack turned their attention to more enjoyable pursuits. Eventually they fell asleep tangled together and slept like babies until the alarm went off.

At one forty-three.

And at two twenty-five.

And again at three nineteen, at which time Ianto sat bolt upright in bed and scrabbled at the drawer of his nightstand. “Where’s my gun? I’m going to shoot that bloody alarm clock!”

Jack grappled with him and pinned him to the bed. “Don’t do that! Ricochets can be dangerous, especially in an enclosed space!” Reaching past Ianto, Jack snatched up the stridently ringing clock and hurled it at the bedroom wall where it smashed apart, scattering components across the floor. It gave a couple more faint dings before falling silent. Jack watched it warily for a moment before speaking, just to be sure it wouldn’t start up again. “There. Problem solved.”

“Good. Peace at last,” Ianto sighed, going limp, one arm dangling over the side of the bed.

“Where’d you get that clock anyway?” Jack asked curiously. “It’s not very reliable, you should get your money back.”

Ianto rolled onto his side, frowning at Jack. “I didn’t. I thought you had after you broke the old one.”

“Wasn’t me. I was going to, but then I saw you’d already replaced it…”

They looked at each other for a moment then scrambled out of bed, flicking the light on and almost blinding themselves, then peering at the shattered remains of the clock on the floor once they could see clearly enough.

Reaching for the hockey stick that stood in the corner, Ianto poked at one of the bigger pieces. Nothing happened. “I think it’s dead, but we probably shouldn’t leave it lying around.”

“Agreed.” Jack pulled on pants and his coat. “You sweep the bits together, I’ll get a containment unit from the SUV. We’ll shove it all in that and Tosh can have a look at it in the morning.”

When Jack returned a few minutes later, they searched the bedroom carefully, making completely certain that they hadn’t missed even a tiny fragment. By the time the containment unit was secured in the SUV again it was nearly four-thirty.

“Ugh,” Ianto groaned, slumping bonelessly onto the edge of bed and flopping onto his back, arms flung out to his sides. “I have to get up again in two hours, and I don’t even have a clock now to wake me up on time! Might as well not bother going back to bed at all.”

Jack leant over and pressed a kiss to his forehead. “Sleep until you wake up, then take the rest of the morning off and buy a new alarm clock. Charge it to me.” He straightened up again and started pulling on the rest of his clothes. “I’ll take the impostor back to the Hub.” Once he was fully dressed, Jack lifted Ianto’s legs onto the bed and pulled the covers over him, kissing him again. “Sweet dreams.”


As Jack crept towards the bedroom door, Ianto murmured, “Jack?”


“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” Jack slipped quietly out on socked feet and a few minutes later, Ianto heard the apartment door close and lock behind him.

Rolling onto his side, Ianto pulled the nearest pillow under his head. His last thought before sleep took him was that he really should have known something was off with that clock from the start. Normal alarm clocks don’t usually have five hands…

The End

Tags: fic, fic: one-shot, fic: pg-13, fic_promptly, humour, ianto jones, jack harkness, jack/ianto, torchwood fic

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