Characters: Frank Burns.
Spoilers: Nothing specific.
Summary: Frank reflects on how perfectly suited he is for army service.
Word Count: 240
Written For: My own prompt ‘M*A*S*H, Frank Burns, He loves that the army has rules and regulations for everything,’ at fic_promptly.
Disclaimer: I don’t own M*A*S*H, or the characters. They belong to their creators.
The army is a good place for a man like Frank Burns. It has Rules and Regulations for everything; when to get up, what to wear, when and where to eat, when to sleep, how to address superior officers and subordinates… Nothing is left to chance. It’s comforting, absolving him of the need to make decisions for himself. The army knows best in all things.
He never has to worry about changing his hairstyle because the army tells him what’s appropriate and what isn’t. Everything in his wardrobe is the same, so there’s no messing about there either. He puts on the same clothes every day, except when dress uniform is required.
Every minute of his day is scheduled, and what free time he has goes on keeping his uniform and equipment in perfect condition. Of course, he has to schedule his time a bit more carefully now that he has Margaret to make time for, and their arrangement might not be strictly in accordance with military rules and regulations, but nobody else knows about them so it isn’t a problem. Even good soldiers have needs.
Yes, the army is perfect for Frank, and Frank is perfect for the army. He doesn’t over-think things, just follows every order he’s given to the letter. There’s no better or more loyal soldier in this man’s army than Major Franklin Delano Marion Burns, and anyone who thinks differently is a ninny.