badly_knitted (badly_knitted) wrote,

Ficlet: Too Much Sugar

Title: Too Much Sugar
Author: badly_knitted
Characters: Ianto, Jack, Owen.
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: Nada.
Summary: When Ianto teases Jack about his love handles one morning, it results some very unexpected consequences for both of them.
Word Count: 500
Written For: Prompt 464 - Sugar at slashthedrabble.
Disclaimer: I don’t own Torchwood, or the characters. They belong to the BBC.

“You,” Ianto teased, prodding with one finger at where Jack’s waist should be, “are developing definite love handles.”

Jack looked horrified at the thought. “That’s not possible! I never gain weight!” Stepping out of the shower, grabbing a towel from the rail as he passed and quickly drying himself, he hastened into the bedroom to check himself in the full-length mirror. What he saw did nothing to soothe him. He poked experimentally at his middle, watching bits jiggle that hadn’t even been there the last time he’d looked. “How can this be happening to me? I’m fat!”

Ianto sighed, already regretting his casual remark. “You’re not fat, Jack, just slightly less thin. It’s nice, makes you cuddly, but if it bothers you then just cut down on your sugar intake. You do have rather a sweet tooth.”

“But I don’t gain weight no matter what I eat!”

“That’s only because your body resets every time you die,” Ianto pointed out. “And no, I’m not suggesting you go out and get yourself killed to fix the problem. You’ve gone nearly three months without dying and I’m proud of you; that has to be some kind of record, and I’d like to see you make it to six months. That would really be something.”

“It would,” Jack agreed. “But what about this?” He prodded himself again. “You’re right, I’ll have to go on a strict diet. No more sugar for me, just fruit and vegetables and lean meat, starting right away.” Jack’s mouth was set in a stubborn line. “I’ll shed these extra pounds in no time!”

Ianto rolled his eyes, sure Jack’s resolution would be broken within a week, but as the days passed he resisted every temptation. When the others ate cookies and doughnuts, Jack ate carrot sticks and apples. When the team had pizza, Jack had a salad. As the excess weight fell away, Jack’s energy increased. He’d never felt better.

“You’re really determined to get back to your original weight, aren’t you!”

“Yep! I don’t even miss sugar. This is the only kind of sugar I want now.” Jack leant in for a kiss and Ianto grinned. His lover still had a big appetite in some respects.

Jack was also still managing to avoid getting killed, absolutely set on proving to Ianto that he could maintain his weight without recourse to the easy option, but as he approached six months without a single death his weight loss slowed, and then stopped. Jack frowned at the scales; everything had been going so well.

“You’ve just hit a plateau, that’s all,” Ianto assured him. “You’ll lose those last handful of pounds before you know it.”

Only Jack didn’t, and then his weight started going up again. He felt a bit off, so he went to see Owen. “I haven’t changed my diet, but I’m gaining weight!” he complained. Owen soon found out why.

“What’s wrong?” Ianto asked.

“Seems the other kind of sugar is fattening too. I’m pregnant.”

Ianto fainted.

The End

Tags: fic, fic: pg-13, ficlet, ianto jones, jack harkness, jack/ianto, owen harper, slashthedrabble, torchwood fic

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