badly_knitted (badly_knitted) wrote,

Fic: Bathtime Blues

Title: Bathtime Blues
Author: badly_knitted
Characters: Ianto, Jack.
Rating: G
Spoilers: Nada
Summary: Jack sets out to pamper Ianto, but things don’t quite go to plan.
Word Count: 845
Written For: My own prompt ‘Torchwood, Jack/Ianto, Blue foam,’ at fic_promptly.
Disclaimer: I don’t own Torchwood, or the characters. They belong to the BBC.

“You deserve to be pampered,” Jack announced one evening when he and Ianto arrived back at Ianto’s small house after a very long day.

“I do?” Ianto asked, puzzled. “Why me and not the others? I didn’t work any harder than anyone else.”

Jack looked at him incredulously as they kicked off their shoes. “Ianto, you’d already done a full day’s work before we had to deal with that Zordan incursion, plus you dealt with most of the cleanup and kept the rest of us fed. You work harder than anyone else every day! It’s about time someone showed you some appreciation.”

“Well, when you put it that way, a day off would be nice,” Ianto suggested.

“Done. You can take tomorrow off…”

“Barring emergencies,” Ianto finished for him.

“But there won’t be any emergencies.”

“You can’t guarantee that.”

“I can try. Anyway, that’s tomorrow. Tonight, I’m going to treat you to a nice, relaxing bubble bath, then while you soak away your aches, I’ll make dinner. Why don’t you put your feet up for a few minutes while I run your bath?”

That really did sound tempting, so while Jack vanished upstairs, Ianto sank onto the sofa and switched the TV on, browsing idly through the channels to see if he could find anything worth watching.

A few minutes later, as he was enjoying Antiques Road Trip, Ianto heard a strangled yell from upstairs. That didn’t sound good at all. Abandoning the TV, he took the stairs three at a time. Jack was on the landing, looking a bit panicky.

“Jack? Is everything okay?”

“Everything’s fine, why wouldn’t it be,” Jack gabbled, pasting on a bright smile. “Why don’t you go back downstairs and watch TV? I’ll call you when your bath is ready.” He tried to shoo Ianto towards the stairs, but Ianto wasn’t budging. Jack’s behaviour was off, his smile too wide and more than a little strained. Then he saw it; bright blue foam creeping out from under the bathroom door.

Pushing past his lover, Ianto pulled the door open and stared in horror; the entire bathroom was filled with a seething mass of foam and before he could move, it poured over him and flowed down the stairs. “Jack!” Ianto floundered his way out of the flood, dripping blue froth. “What is this stuff?”

“I’m sorry!” Jack said. “I think I might have used a bit too much.”

“A bit? And why is it blue? It’s alien, isn’t it.” It was a statement rather than a question. Honestly, by now he should have learned better than to trust Jack; he was always experimenting with things he thought he recognised that had come through the Rift.

“It’s harmless, honest! It won’t even stain, and it’s really very soothing…” Jack trailed off; Ianto was smothered in the stuff, but he wasn’t looking particularly soothed. Quite the opposite, in fact. “It’s supposed to be the ultimate luxurious bathing experience. Maybe it just doesn’t combine well with your bath foam.”

“Or maybe it combines too well,” Ianto muttered as the river of foam continued to flow past him. “Where did you get it?”

“I traded for it with those Glurg traders last month. I’ve used it before, back when I was travelling with the Doctor, and I wanted you to try it too.” Jack looked crestfallen.

“Those Glurgs didn’t look particularly trustworthy to me; what you traded for was probably fake,” Ianto sighed. “I’ll get the mop and bucket and start cleaning this up; you empty the bath. Hopefully it won’t fill the sewers with froth and drive all the Weevils to the surface.”

An hour later, the mess was cleared up and Ianto’s bathroom looked cleaner than it ever had. Even the grouting between the tiles was gleaming.

“Well, it might not have had the relaxing effect you’d hoped for, but it certainly gives everything a nice shine. Where’s the rest of it?”

Jack handed over a small crystal bottle, about three-quarters full of electric blue liquid, and Ianto took it, studying the label. “How much did you put in my bath?”

“It was full when I got it, so…” Jack looked at the bottle. “About a tablespoon?”

“Didn’t you read the label?” Ianto shook his head and answered his own question. “No, of course you didn’t. It says ‘use one drop only’.”

“It does?” At Ianto’s nod, Jack winced. “Oh. Oops?”

Ianto sighed. “I’m confiscating this.”

“I really am sorry.”

“I know you are. Look, why don’t you go and make us something to eat? I’ll grab a quick shower and join you in a bit.”

“Okay.” Jack shambled disconsolately towards the stairs.



“It was a nice thought, even if it didn’t work out too well. And on the bright side, I bet the sewers are really clean now.”

Jack smiled, knowing that once again he’d been forgiven. “Don’t forget the Weevils.”

Ianto grinned back at him. “Ah yes, sparkly clean Weevils. Well, at least someone got a nice bath.” He hoped the Weevils appreciated it more than he had.

The End

Tags: fic, fic: g, fic: one-shot, fic_promptly, ianto jones, jack harkness, jack/ianto, torchwood fic

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